Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 5

get to spend the rest of the summer together. But those three weeks stretched before us then like an eternity.
    "I'm coming back," he said.
    "I know." But why was I so upset?
    "I'll miss you," he said.
    I supposed that was the issue. I reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Me too."
    "You'll miss yourself?"
    I laughed and pulled him into a hug. "I'll miss you ."
    He laughed with me and hugged me tightly. "I'm totally reachable by phone, you know. Call me anytime. Your parents get on your nerves, your job sucks, even if you're just bored, you can call me. Okay?"
    I pressed my cheek into his shoulder. The fabric of his tee-shirt was soft and he smelled wonderful, like sweat and minty aftershave. Warmth spread through my chest as I touched him, as I pressed against him, as I let his words settle in my brain, in my heart. Then the thought just popped into my head:
    I love you
    In books and movies, they always say, "You just know." I always thought that was bunk, because how would you know if you love someone? With family, it was just this innate thing, something I felt without thinking about it. With a boyfriend, I figured it would have to happen over time, that I'd slowly come to realize it after weeks of going on dates and hanging out together, that it would be this process. But, no. It just... happened. I love you . Just like that.
    And suddenly I was paralyzed. I couldn't possibly say that out loud. What if Sam didn't love me back? What if my brain was just being crazy?
    He kissed the top of my head. "Hey, Jess?"
    "Mmm?"
    "Before I go, I have to tell you something. It's kind of a weird thing, and it's hard to say, but I thought that you should know."
    Panic set in. I pulled away from him as my pulse kicked up, as my veins suddenly went icy cold. He had bad news. The expression on his face—the furrowed brow, lip-between-the-teeth look I'd figured out meant he was nervous or worried about something—gave him away. I hadn't thought that this moment had been leading toward a breakup—we'd had a conversation just the week before in which we agreed that we should stay together through the summer even though we wouldn't see each other much—but suddenly I worried that he was about to leave me. That he'd gotten into my head somehow and read my mind and now was freaking out.
    He said, "I think that I'm falling in love with you."
    That was about the last thing I expected. I was so surprised that I laughed.
    He frowned. "Aw, Jess. It wasn't that funny."
    Nerves were making me laugh even harder.
    Sam threw his hands in the air. "Fine, forget it. I take it back. Ha ha."
    It took some effort, but I managed to catch my breath and stand up straight. "No, no, you don't get it. I... I'm in love with you, too. I was just... it's such a relief. It's great!" I meant what I said. I couldn't keep the smile from my face.
    He still looked at me doubtfully, so I grabbed his face and kissed him hard, hoping to assuage his fears. He wrapped a hand around my wrist and pushed me away slightly.
    "Holy shit, really?" he said.
    "Yeah. I love you, Sam. I really do."
    Then he laughed and kissed me again. "I love you, too. I love you, I love you, I love you! Man it feels great to say that. I think I'll say it a hundred more times."
    He didn't get a chance, because then we started making out. But that was maybe one of the greatest moments of my whole life.
    ****
    SAM
    On the way to rehearsal, I see a scarf in the gutter. It's more an ornamental than a practical scarf, made of some kind of thin, green material with silvery stripes woven throughout. It's just the sort of thing that Jess would wear. I briefly wonder if it's his and he lost it, but that minty green is one of his least favorite colors. Actually, now that I think about it, he hasn't worn any of those sparkly scarves in a while. He's squirreling away his money, maybe, not spending it on frippery like that. Which is a shame, because I've always liked how he looked in a scarf.
    I ride the train uptown and wish that I could see Jess instead of going to rehearsals. We haven't seen much of each other lately. I'm glad he has steady work, but I miss him being around at home during the day.
    I forgot my book at home, so I'm stuck looking at the ads on the train. It's the same typical stuff: community colleges, dentists, beer. The city recently launched a campaign to help victims of domestic violence, and there's one ad with a somewhat disturbing photo of a young man with a black eye and a