Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

automatically delete it.
    I've typed and deleted and retyped this letter about a dozen times.
    The night we last talked you asked me if we were worth it, and I didn't answer you. I couldn't. Because the truth was, yes we were worth it. You were worth it. But I was too damn tired and scared of everything. I should have been stronger, like you. Because you've always been the strong one. You've always been there for me. And the one time I could be there for you and for us, the one time I could stand up and face the world as a man, I ran.
    I know this probably comes seven months too late, and maybe it won't change anything now, but I have to say it— I'm sorry, Chase, I'm so, so sorry.
    I don't have any right to ask this of you, but I've already proven what an idiot I am, so I'm going to ask it anyway.
    I warned you when we got back from Bobby's wedding that I would probably fuck it up and I did, royally. I know that, and I'll do anything for the rest of my life to make it up to you, I swear. I just want another chance, to prove that I can be a better man for you.
    Okay so, that's all. I think about you all the time, wondering how you are and what you are doing. I hope everything is going okay for you.
    A.
    I was jittery the rest of the day, and it was hard not to keep checking my email every five minutes. The laptop was a communal one for patients, so I only had limited time on it. I let the nurses know I was waiting on an important email, so they promised to let me check it every hour or so if it wasn't in use. One nurse, in particular, I think, knew the type of email I was waiting on. She let me check more often than the other nurses did and she gave me this sympathetic smile every time there was no email.
    The next morning, after I'd woken up, there was finally a response.
    I couldn't breathe and my fingers were shaking as I clicked the email.
    Adam,
    I heard from Bobby that you were caught in a bad situation over there. I'm really glad to know you are okay.
    As for the rest... I don't know, I need some time. That's... the best I can give right now.
    Take care of yourself over there.
    Chase
    I blew out a big breath. I had to admit I was heartbroken at first, but I had hurt him and I shouldn't expect him to just forgive me overnight. And he hadn't exactly said no. So, I just had to keep reminding myself of this, it was okay. I could work with this.
    ****
    Two weeks later, I was working in the communications building when the news came over armed forces radio.
    Today, the President signed the bill officially ending Don't Ask, Don't Tell for all branches of service, ending eighteen years of the policy. Gay soldiers in all branches have been quietly marking time since the first amendment calling for the end of the Don't Ask ban was first initiated in 2010.
    Then they played a brief clip of an unidentified soldier commenting on the situation: This is a historic day for the military, and for gay men and women in the military who will now be able to continue to serve their country but also be true to who they are without having to hide anymore.
    And that was that. I was kind of shocked; the pessimist in me really couldn't believe that it had gone through. But it did. It was finally over.
    Of course, as a gay man in the Marines, I wasn't exactly going to go waving a flag announcing I was gay, because I knew I had to keep working with the other soldiers. While ninety percent probably wouldn't care, there would always be assholes like Kowalski to deal with. The important part was, I was free to do whatever I wanted on my own time and there would be no repercussions if anyone found out. And I could tell any of my fellow Marines and I could not be kicked out. No more pretending that I had a girlfriend or having to make out with a girl just to play the pretense.
    Of course the first person I thought of was Chase. We could really be together now. No hiding. I hadn't received any more emails from him, but I was still hopeful. Marking the days off in my little pocket calendar had new meaning, now. Every day was one day closer to him. In fact, we were going home next week. I was already planning to go see him as soon as my feet touched the ground and we were dismissed. Then I got an idea, and decided to send Chase another email.
    Chase,
    I'm sure you've heard the news already. I just heard a report on the radio, DADT is repealed. For good. I have to admit I was afraid it wasn't going to happen. It just sounded too good to be true.