Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

because he would have Kyle in there with him. "Now get in if you want to survive these butt-ugly dog men and their electric bugs and weapons. You can take the turret position behind me— right? We might stand a chance of surviving, but we've got to hurry the fuck up. So fucking move, pretty boy."
    Kyle began to clamber into the suit, but not before squashing as many of the robot insects as he could. "What exactly is this going to achieve, sweetheart? I mean, when we get inside we become a tinned meal instead of an unpackaged one— right?"
    Rory recalled how the suit was equipped with some basic functions special effects couldn't reproduce so easily on a tight budget. A rope-shooting gun on one of the arms, one example, a water cannon the secondary pilot controlled, the other. Heck, at least when they were inside they could pose some sort of threat, hopefully making the dog dudes think twice about attacking them. That was the plan, anyway.
    Getting inside the suit wasn't as difficult as Rory remembered. Then again, he didn't have the urgency he had now. Within a heartbeat of sealing the suit, locking them both in to meet their fate, the dog aliens were as close as Rory would ever want them to be. They even barked. If he thought the alien creatures were ugly at a distance, they positively reeked of disgusting up close. Dog faces really only looked good on dogs... not on bipeds, as far as he was concerned.
    "Now what?" Kyle asked.
    Rory started the suit's ignition by turning the key. It had a battery charged motor that ran the features that also aided in making the thing walk. No human, no matter how muscle-bound or steroid-soaked, could move the suit even if they were the most enthusiastic in the universe. Thank goodness for cogs and gears and modern lithium storage batteries that could operate electric cars. As far as props went, this one had the money spent on it. Pity the movie it featured in stunk more than a pile of cat shit in a dirty litter tray.
    "We kick some dog-faced ass, that's what." Rory leaned over as best he could to crank the lever which would bring the water cannon online. As he did so, whether through need or because of nerves, or both, he let out a ripper of a fart.
    Kyle began to cough... then gag. He was behind Rory, seated so his legs were almost wrapped around Rory's hips, and as a result would have coped the full brunt of his noxious gasses. Served him right for being such a limp-wristed wimp in the first place. If he couldn't handle a man blowing off, then why the fuck did he sleep with them? Many a time Rory had farted in bed, pulling over the bedclothes to cover his latest fuck so he couldn't do anything but choke on the fumes. Then he'd fuck the twink harder for being a wimp if he complained.
    Rory chuckled to himself.
    Until he got a dose of his own medicine and his self-produced methane found his nostrils. He screwed up his nose and tried to cough the flavour of his fart out of his mouth. "Man, that sure was fucking nasty. Bet you tasted that one in all its glory, didn't you, Kyle?"
    "You're a disgusting pig," Kyle stammered, "and you need to be taught some manners."
    "You already told me that I'm a pig." Rory flicked a few more switches and turned a couple of dials. The suit came to life. Everything lit up, illuminating the darkness. The whole contraption came alive, complete with the smell of stale fart. "Now, bring up the water cannon control panel and aim it for those dog bastards. We'll give them a soaking they won't believe."
    The water cannon worked like a charm. The aliens retreated, back to the crest of the hill where they came from, yelping all the way. Unfortunately, not only were conditions cramped inside the space warrior suit and Rory was certain one of his legs had gone numb from the restriction, he felt a sharp stabbing at his stomach.
    When he reached down to touch the place where the pain came from, something bit his hand. "Fuck!" he yelped.
    "What now?"
    Rory was bitten again and again, this time all over his body. It didn't take him long to work out there were a few of those alien robotic bugs in the suit with them. "Bugs! Fucking bugs are everywhere. Kyle, we've got to get out of here because I'm getting eaten alive inside this tin can."
    He pulled the lever that opened the backdoor entrance. Kyle fell out, having no support now there was no back to hold him in, hitting the sand hard. Rory came to be on top of him, having little choice but to get out as quickly as