Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 8
in a loud clear voice, "The store is closing, due to a family emergency. Please come back another time. You can have a... a ten percent discount on anything you like, if you leave quickly now."
Of course it couldn't be that easy. Some customers wanted to just ring up the items they already had. A couple wanted that ten percent discount in writing. He scribbled a few notes, tried to remember how Trey said the register worked, took cash and declined credit cards. Another customer tried to argue about that and he shut her down harshly, without thinking. It was all taking too long. It was almost fifteen minutes before he ushered the last customer out the door. The blonde woman had left in a huff, dragging the boy behind her. Josh had felt bad for the kid, but the eye roll the boy gave Josh as he left suggested he wasn't completely cowed by his aunt. There was nothing Josh could do but hope there were more understanding family members around the boy.
Finally Josh was able to pull the door shut, tape a makeshift "back tomorrow" sign to the plaque with their hours and look around. He'd pretty much expected to see Trey's car gone and to have to chase him back to the city, but the car was still parked by the house.
The farmhouse was silent when he slammed in through the front door. No sound of movement, no running shower. He did a quick check of the bathrooms and bedrooms anyway, but Trey was nowhere to be found. Which left the rest of the property, and really it was pretty obvious where he should go look.
The inside of the barn was cooler than the day before, with the overcast sky easing some of the heat, but the air was still close and still. Josh paused at the bottom of the ladder to the loft, listening. For a moment he heard nothing, but then there was the faint sound of a harsh breath from overhead. Slowly, making enough noise to be heard, he climbed the ladder.
Trey was barely visible in the dark loft. He sat amid the hay bales, drawn up in a tight ball so his body was just a formless shadow. Josh walked around him to the doors and cracked one open. In the dull light that came in, Trey raised his pale, drawn face. "I'm sorry," he said, in a voice that wavered despite his set jaw. "So sorry but... I didn't think I should drive. I promise I'll be out of here as soon as I can."
Josh stared at him. He took two steps away from the door and lowered himself to sit on the floor at arm's length from Trey. "Why the hell would you think I want you gone?"
Trey clenched his teeth and then said slowly and clearly, "You heard me right the first time. I'm gay."
"So what?" Josh shook his head impatiently. "I mean, yeah, that changes things but you're still my best friend."
For a long minute, Trey just stared at him his eyes dilated in his stunned face.
****
What the hell! Trey's mind flashed back through a summer of evenings in a loft much like this one, with the air lingeringly hot and the sun long gone, to memories of tearful rants and hate. Then later there'd been emails, full of casual slurs and distaste and loathing. He'd read each one, sitting on his bed in his parents' house missing his best friend, knowing that he hadn't managed to change himself straight, feeling each blow land. "You hate gay men."
"The hell I do!" Josh stared at him. "Maybe for a while, yeah, I did. But I figured out eventually that you couldn't judge the whole world of gay men by one pedophile. There's no connection. You're the one who was really homophobic."
"Shit." Trey wrapped his arms tighter around his legs, rocking himself on the dusty floor. His stomach hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt. Josh didn't hate him for being gay. He realized just how much of how he'd lived the last ten years had been predicated on the fact that he couldn't let Josh ever know about him. Except apparently that was more stupid, mistaken theory than fact. He put his head down on his knees and rocked.
After a while, Josh asked quietly, "When did you know? When did you realize you were gay?"
Trey dredged up a laugh from somewhere, but it didn't come out sounding like amusement. "Around the time I figured out what the word meant. Not too long after we met."
"When we were ten?" There was an indrawn breath. "Trey! Coach didn't... do something to you too?"
"No. Hell no. Weren't you the one who said that had nothing to do with being gay?"
"I know, and I mean it. I just thought, if something made you realize at the age of ten..."
"It wasn't anything dramatic like
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