Love Means Courage - Andrew Grey

time he saw Cliff, the first thing that sprang to mind was that night, that second behind the barn when he’d felt Cliff’s lips next to his. He knew he shouldn’t, but he just couldn’t help it. Cliff Laughton had been the star of his feverish imagination even before that kiss, and to be so close to him on a daily basis—
    “Len!”
He heard his name and jerked himself back to the present.
“Sorry, Mom. What were you saying?”
“I was asking you if Janelle told you what time you should be there?”
“No. She didn’t mention a specific time, but I’ll go over in the morning.” He had to keep his mind from wandering all the time.
    Cliff had married Ruby. Whatever had happened in high school was a long time ago. Besides, Cliff had probably just gotten swept up in the moment and had regretted what he’d done as soon as it was over.

    “I’m going to clean up and go to bed.” He lifted himself from the old sofa and headed to his small room.
    Len grabbed some sweatpants and a T-shirt and went across the small hall to the bathroom. Stripping off his clothes, he started the shower and climbed beneath the spray. The hot water felt good and washed away much of the day’s tension, and there seemed to be plenty of it. As he started to relax, he felt parts of him begin to stiffen. It had been a while since… well, since he’d allowed himself any sort of release, and his body was definitely ready. Slowly, he ran his hands down his stomach, sliding them along his length. He wanted to moan, but he bit it back; the walls were paper thin. So he clamped his mouth shut and continued to stroke, letting his mind 37
    Love Means Courage

    wander. It didn’t take long before a vision came to his mind: a face with deep eyes and thick brown hair and lips that just begged to be kissed. “Cliff.” The word escaped his lips before he could stop it.

    Forcing the image from his mind, he tried to concentrate on something else, someone else, anyone else, but it wasn’t working, and things started going downhill from there. His mind wouldn’t cooperate and neither would the shower, because the water started going cold. He was just getting out of the shower when he heard his mother call. Putting a towel around his waist, he cracked open the door. “Yes?” He heard her on the phone, and then she hung up.

    “That was Janelle. She said to stop by Cliff’s in the morning but not too early.” That was really strange. Farmers were early risers; they had to be in order to get the work done while they had the sun.

    “Okay. Thank you.” He closed the door and finished drying off before hanging up his towel and putting on the sweats and T-shirt. After making sure he’d left the bathroom clean—his mother had trained him well—he went out and found his mom still in the living room. Saying good night, he went to his room and climbed into bed.
    38

    Andrew Grey
    LEN pulled up in front of the Laughton family farm at about nine in the morning, thinking that wasn’t early by farm standards, and parked near the barn where he saw a few other vehicles. No one seemed to be around, but he heard a tractor and other equipment in the distance and figured that the other men were already working.
    Walking across the yard, he noticed how different things were from his last visit, before Ruby died. “Jesus, what in the hell is wrong?” Even to his eyes, things didn’t look right at all.

    The yard around the house hadn’t been mowed in what must have been weeks; the grass was so tall. The buildings looked in good shape, but the rest of the place looked a little neglected.
    Walking along the path, he knocked on the kitchen door and waited.
After a few minutes, he knocked again. Finally, he heard footsteps inside and the door opened.
“Yeah.”
“Cliff, it’s Len Parker. Janelle said I should come by. She said 39
Love Means Courage
you needed some help.” Cliff looked terrible: dark circles under his eyes, drawn complexion, sallow skin. Nothing like the man Len remembered. “Oh, yeah.” Cliff ran his fingers through his long, shaggy hair.
“Come on in.” He moved to open the door farther but stopped, and Len saw a pair of eyes and a head of light hair peek out from behind his legs.
    “I’m Len, and you must be Geoff.” The little boy stuck his thumb in his mouth and nodded before hiding again. Cliff picked up the little boy, who was still in his pajamas, and then opened the door wide enough to let Len inside.
    The kitchen was a