Love Means No Shame - Andrew Grey

community for a little over a month, and I just need you to think about what it is that you truly want.”
    “Are you telling me ‘no’?”

    Geoff shook his head and continued stroking Eli’s hand. “I’m telling you that you need to be sure. I know what I want. I really do, but I need to make sure you know what you want, because you are the one with the most to lose.”
    Eli’s eyes cleared, and his face hardened into a fierce look Geoff had never seen before. “Do you think I don’t know my own mind? Or what it is I’m feeling? That I’m some ignorant kid who doesn’t know his own mind enough to know what he wants?” Geoff lowered his eyes slightly. “No, but I care about you too much to hurt you.” This wasn’t going the way he expected, but at least Eli was listening. He kept stroking Eli’s hand, wanting some sort of contact between them.
    Finally Geoff said, “Let’s head back to the truck. I packed a picnic lunch, and afterward we can ride the horses into the park.” Eli just nodded and started to get up. Geoff reached for him, bringing their faces close together and then kissing him ever so gently before backing away again.
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Love Means … NO SHAME
“You kissed me.” Eli smiled as he touched his lips with his finger. “A girl kissed me once a few years ago.”
    “Did you like it when she kissed you?” Eli smirked. “It certainly didn’t feel like that.” The little Amish smartass. Geoff raised his eyebrows. “Like what?”
    “Like the fireworks I saw once from our farm.” Geoff couldn’t help smiling at Eli’s description of a simple kiss, not that he’d disagree. They mounted the horses and headed back along the beach, smiling at each other like kids who had just discovered ice cream. When they reached the truck, they watered the horses again and led them into the trailer. The sky was looking darker, and they decided to forego a ride in the park and just have lunch and head back to the farm.
    Geoff got out the food while Eli made sure the horses had hay and treats. By the time the horses were settled, the picnic was laid out, and they sat down at the table.
    “Geoff, there’s something I need to tell you. Amish men do not court lightly or frivolously.”
“I didn’t think you did.” Geoff handed him a sandwich and a container of fresh fruit.
Eli took a bite and set the sandwich on his plate. “About four years ago, I had a crush on Adam, a boy from the neighboring farm.
    He’s a friend, and we helped each other with chores. It was then that I realized I was different but didn’t realize there were other people like me. I thought it was the devil or something, and I tried to pray it away, wish it away, anything so I could be like everyone else.” Geoff opened a Coke and handed it to Eli, who looked at the can funny, sipped it, and smiled.
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    “I started reading what the Bible said about it, but that just confused me more. So I decided never to act on my feelings and to just push them away. But all I did was retreat into work and away from others. When you’re my age, most social occasions are designed for courting, so I avoided them and remained behind to work.”
    “You must have felt all alone.”
    “I did and I have, until I met you and Len and realized that there are other people like me and they can be loved for who they are. What’s amazing to me is that I’m not alone.” Eli took a deep breath and released it. “Geoff, I’m Elijah Henninger, and I’m gay.” Geoff stroked Eli’s cheek, and they smiled at each other as Eli leaned into the touch.
    The wind started to pick up, drawing Geoff’s attention. “I’m sorry, but I think we need to get going.” Eli got right up from the table and started packing away their half-eaten lunch as Geoff started hauling things into the truck. Geoff checked on the horses one last time and then pulled out of the parking lot and out of the park. Ten minutes later, they turned east off Lakeshore Drive and headed toward the farm with Geoff driving as fast as he dared. He pressed the speed dial on his phone and handed it to Eli. “Len should answer. Tell him we’re on our way and ask for help unloading the horses as soon as we arrive.” He heard Eli talking to Len as he concentrated on driving through the wind that was buffeting the trailer.
    They pulled into the yard as lightning flashed and thunder cracked loudly, vibrating through them. Geoff stopped in front of the barn and rushed to open the