Love Songs from a Shallow Grave

Nice room. This was the life. Enough of all that jungle living. He’d endured poverty all his life and it was shit. This was what they’d dreamed of back then. A cushy city job, good food, and power. The high life and whatever it takes to get there. He rose from his bed, put on his black shirt and walked through the house to the little alcove that had once been the servants’ sewing room. A room exclusively for sewing. He laughed. Those French. They certainly knew how to spend it. If he had money he’d build himself a counting room. A room where he kept all his money and he’d sit there all day counting it. He’d drink classy French wine and he’d count his money. He rubbed his full belly and opened the door. The cot was there in the middle of the little room but it was empty.
    “Arrogant Lao,” he said to himself. “I knew you were going to be a problem as soon as I – ”
    He heard a cistern flush across the hall and a tap run. He went out in time to catch the old doctor stagger out of the bathroom. He looked in a bad way. He used the wall to hold himself up and tottered across to the sewing room. Comrade Ta Khev stepped out of his way. He asked the old Lao how he was but Siri ignored him and stumbled to the cot. It croaked like a toad as he lay on it. The cadre smiled and muttered in Khmer;
    “Good. Serves you right. Arrogant Lao.”
    Siri listened to the footsteps walking off along the hallway and rubbed his face with his palms. The girl’s voice still crackled in his mind. He didn’t want to believe her. He didn’t want to think he could be one of a species that had no respect for its own kind. He’d dedicated fifty-odd years to preserving life. It was precious. Every one he saved and every one he lost. They all had value. Yet, if she were to be believed, lives here were being squashed and trodden underfoot. There was no logic to it. No sense.
    Ambassador Kavinh had heard the Khmer Rouge leaders describe it as an experiment. An experiment in human engineering. But to Siri’s ears it was jealousy, pure and simple. The have-nots wiping out the haves. The country poor had swept across the land like a black-suited plague and exterminated the rich and the educated. Then they’d moved against the middle classes, the not-so-rich and the semi-educated. And, when there was nobody left to hate, the Khmer Rouge had begun to turn on itself. And here, what was left of the administration, hanging by a threadbare noose. A still-kicking corpse, living in fear and paranoia.
    Siri couldn’t allow himself to believe it. If it were true, what was there to stop the plague from spreading across the northern border? Why shouldn’t it take hold in the souls of his Lao brothers and sisters? Why shouldn’t his country become a laboratory for its own inhuman experiment? If collectivism was an ideal state, then why not slavery? Why not kill those infected with the capitalist disease and be left with pure socialist man toiling eight hours a day with no ambition and no dreams? If death proved a convenient way of culling the populace here, why should his own leaders not…?
    He opened his eyes and spoke aloud.
    “What if it’s started already?”
    With so little news and such a poor communication system, how could he really be sure there was no systematic slaughter in his own country? What became of all those members of the old regime sent for re-education in the north? What became of the missing hill tribe people attempting to escape to Thailand? Surely the Lao couldn’t…It was all too much to take in. He felt as if his head was a pot and he was attempting to fill it with all the water from a village reservoir in one journey. He began to drown in the small room. He needed air. He needed evidence of normality. Children playing in front of their homes. Old ladies smiling from windows. Pretty girls ignoring the bawdy comments of street-corner youths. He didn’t mind if they were the country poor brought to the city and crammed into rich people’s houses like fast-breeding rats. It wasn’t important. He just needed to feel humanity around him. For his own sanity he had to be sure that at some level, life went on in this country.
    The life he was looking for would not be found behind the barricades of the embassy ghetto. It wouldn’t be amongst the prisoners of diplomacy with their huge concrete flower pots and their street cleaners and their ghost minders. He would have to break out of this wonderland and see what