Lucy in the Sky

at?’ Nathan whispers.
    ‘Just thinking that Rich is right,’ I reply, ‘but there’s also nothing like the thrill of setting off your own. I know that from watching my stepbrothers, Tom and Nick, in the back garden at home.’
    ‘That’s so true. Sam and I would have such a laugh with Dad. Used to drive poor Mum nuts. She was always worried we were going to blast someone’s eye out.’
    I snuggle even closer to him, pulling the rug over our legs to keep the cold out.
    ‘I’d like to meet your stepbrothers,’ he says to me.
    ‘I wish you could. Shame you can’t come to Somerset for a weekend while you’re here.’
    He doesn’t say anything. It would of course be perfectly possible for him to visit Somerset but it’s hardly likely to happen. James and I are going there at the beginning of December and I doubt I’ll get a chance to go home before then. I couldn’t invite Nathan home without James, and I would never dare ask James if Nathan could gatecrash our December weekend.
    After a while, James reappears. The only space next to him on the rug is at the other end beside Martin and Gemma, and he doesn’t look too pleased. I squeeze Nathan’s arm regretfully and stand up to join James, the cold air immediately making me shiver.
    ‘How was she?’ I ask him.
    ‘Not the best.’
    ‘You missed the fireworks,’ I point out annoyingly.
    ‘It’s okay, we saw a few from her balcony.’
    Suddenly I’m the one feeling annoyed. ‘Oh, nice, so you watched the fireworks with her, then.’
    ‘Lucy, please,’ he grumbles, running his hand through his hair and turning to look back down the hill. ‘Why are women so… draining ?’
    ‘Charming!’ I snap.
    ‘Sorry, sorry,’ he soothes me. ‘Jesus, it’s cold.’
    ‘I’m bloody freezing,’ I agree, glancing back woefully at the blanket still covering Nathan’s legs. He’s not looking at me so I can’t catch his eye and smile. I turn back to James, who’s examining my face.
    ‘ What? ’
    ‘Nothing,’ he says, pulling me to him and vigorously rubbing my arms to try to warm me up. ‘Do you mind if we go soon?’ he asks. ‘I’m knackered.’
    Later, when we’re sitting on the tube on our way home, James turns to me. ‘I didn’t like coming back up the hill and seeing you sitting so close to Nathan.’
    ‘Well, you buggered off to see Zoe!’ I snipe, outraged.
    He sighs. ‘It’s alright, it’s no big deal. But I’m just saying I didn’t like it. I felt a bit…jealous,’ he adds.
    ‘There’s no need for that.’ I pat him on his leg.
    ‘I’d just rather you didn’t spend too much time alone with him.’
    ‘Look, don’t worry,’ I say. ‘There’s really no reason why I would. We’re busy during the week at work and on the weekends we canall go sightseeing together. You and I keep meaning to get out more and now we’ve got a proper excuse, haven’t we?’
    ‘Yeah, I suppose so.’ He smiles uncomfortably.
     
    ‘You’re different with Nathan than with James, you know,’ Chloe says the following Monday at work.
    ‘Hey?’ I shift, embarrassed.
    ‘No, you are,’ she tells me. ‘Isn’t she, Gemma? It’s something about the way you talk to each other. You laugh more!’
    ‘I laugh with James,’ I respond defensively.
    ‘Of course you do,’ she mollifies me. ‘But it’s different. Oh, never mind,’ she says when she sees my expression. ‘Forget I said anything.’
    But I can’t get her comment out of my head. It’s true. I do chatter more around Nathan. James and I don’t really have the same sort of relaxed banter. Am I more myself with Nathan, though? Or does he just bring out a different part of my character? I think I like myself more when I’m around him. And that, in itself, is confusing.
    Over the next few weeks, James does join Nathan and me on several sightseeing trips. We go on the Millennium Wheel, to museums, even the Tower of London. Richard is always in tow, and even Ally too on a couple of occasions. The two of them seem to get along well, which is both comforting and disappointing in equal measure. I feel bad for Chloe, who is rather smitten with Richard, but relieved that Ally hasn’t set her sights on Nathan.
    But, while I spend my weekdays looking forward to the weekend when I’ll see Nathan, when I do see him it’s always a let-down. I find I can’t relax around him at all–mainly becauseJames is there. How ironic, considering Chloe’s comments. I’m trying to be as normal