Lucy in the Sky

know it’s one of the worst songs ever written in the history of mankind.’
    ‘ One of the?’ Karen responds. ‘ The , more like. What are they like? What are their names? Vagina and Vulva or something?’
    ‘The guy is called Alexei—’
    ‘Guy? Are you sure ?’ Karen interrupts.
    ‘And the girls are called Regina and Varvara.’ I laugh.
    ‘I prefer the names I gave them,’ Karen continues. ‘If you said them in a Russian accent you could almost get away with it. ’Ello. My name is Vulvarsh. And thees is my friend, Vageen…We come from the planet Titteesh.’
    Reena and I are in hysterics.
    ‘Anyway what else is new?’ Karen asks when we’ve regained our composure. ‘What’s up with you and James? All good?’
    I immediately waver between wanting to tell them about Nathan and knowing it’s not a good idea. Suddenly, on an impulse, I find I can’t stop myself.
    ‘So he’s going to be here in two and a half months?’ Karen asks eventually. She’s kept a remarkable attention span throughout my entire story, not interrupting, not giving anything away. It’s been a bit off-putting, to be honest.
    ‘Yes,’ I reply.
    ‘Lucy, what the hell are you doing? You’re playing with fire and it’s not bloody smart.’
    Bollocks. I should have listened to my intuition.
    ‘I don’t condone cheating,’ Karen carries on.
    ‘I’m not cheating; he’s just a friend!’ This was a mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut. I was hoping for empathy, not grief.
    ‘Yeah, right…’ She gives me a rueful look. ‘Just make sure it stays that way. If it gets physical, I don’t want anything to do with it.’
    ‘Chill out, for crying out loud. I would not cheat on James!’ Would I? ‘I’m just really bloody confused.’
    Reena steps in. ‘Karen, calm down. Lucy seems to know what she’s doing.’
    ‘Alright, alright!’ Karen puts her palms up. ‘I just don’t want her to get hurt, that’s all.’
    It’s then I suddenly remember Karen’s first boyfriend cheated on her when she left him behind in Hull to come down to university in London. I wonder if that’s why she’s reacting so strongly.
    ‘You’re one of my best friends, you know that, right?’ she saysin her warm Yorkshire accent, grabbing my hands. I look into her brown eyes. ‘It’s your bloody star sign, that’s the problem.’ She drops my hands and sits back in her seat.
    ‘Hey?’
    ‘Libra. Same as me. Always weighing up the scales. Indecision, indecision.’
    ‘You’re not unsure about Alan, though, are you?’
    ‘No, he’s lovely . But you remember what I was like about media studies and hairdressing.’
    ‘True.’ I soften. ‘What do you think?’ I turn to Reena, tentatively. I still haven’t heard her verdict yet.
    ‘Lucy, you’ve always been a smart girl,’ she says, and from her it doesn’t sound patronising. ‘I know you’ll do the right thing.’
    Suddenly the ‘Mockah Chockah’ song comes blasting out of the sound system.
    ‘Come on, let’s do the dance!’ I jump up as Karen moans. But she makes an effort to twirl her arms and spin around as the rest of the bar descends into chaos.
    The next day is Saturday and, apart from one television appearance in the morning, Titteesh are no longer my concern. I should be enjoying my freedom but I can’t get Karen’s negativity out of my mind. It’s the same on Sunday. I don’t even feel like calling Nathan and telling him about my mad couple of weeks. I know he’d find it funny, but something holds me back.
    That evening, when ‘Mockah Chockah’ is confirmed as the UK’s Number One single, James gives me a gorgeous bunch of pink, purple and orange gerberas.
    ‘To match the group’s costumes.’ He laughs. ‘Well done, baby. What a result.’
    ‘Thank you.’
    ‘What’s wrong? You don’t seem very pleased?’ he queries.
    ‘No, I am. But I’m exhausted after all that.’
    ‘It’s been a tough PR job. But Mandy must be well chuffed with you. You’ll get a promotion and a whopping great pay rise in no time. Soon you’ll be nipping at my heels,’ he jokes.
    I find myself wondering if he would mind me earning more than him. He’s always been the main breadwinner and that’s never really bothered me. In fact, it’s been quite reassuring knowing I’d have the security in the (distant) future if I wanted to cut back on my hours and have kids. I can’t bear the notion of putting my career on hold yet, though.
    How would I feel if I were