Lupi 09 - Mortal Ties

briskly down the street. Rule tried to empty his mind. It didn’t work.
     He was still a jumble when they crossed the first street and Lily broke the silence.
    “I liked Jasper.”
    “I did, too.” He hadn’t expected to. He hadn’t expected…any of this. He wasn’t going
     to be able to put it aside, was he? He wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the things
     that ought to matter until he’d dealt with what, inexplicably, did. He stopped and
     glanced back at Scott. “I need to walk a bit and clear my head. If the car’s clean,
     have them drive it around the block until I signal.” He made the quick gesture that
     told Scott to drop back several yards.
    “You want me to take a hike?” Cullen asked.
    “Or a ride. I’d rather you didn’t wander around where someone could grab you or attempt
     to. Either stay with Scott or get in the car with the others.”
    Rule resumed walking. Scott and Cullen fell behind. If he kept his voice low, they
     wouldn’t hear more than the occasional word. And now that he had this much privacy,
     he didn’t know what to say.
    Lily didn’t prompt him. For once, she didn’t ask questions. She just kept pace with
     him for another two blocks.But now, for whatever reason, he could at least turn his attention away from the noise
     in his head, listening to the city sounds…cars, voices from some of the houses they
     passed, a dog in the last block, a cat in this one. The soft sound of Lily’s footsteps
     beside him. Her hand was warm in his. He watched as a woman in workout clothes pushed
     a jogging stroller along on the other side of the street. Its occupant looked sound
     asleep. And he heard himself say, “It never occurred to me that she was dead.”
    Lily stopped, so he did, too. She looked at him. “Oh, Rule.”
    “It should have occurred to me. She’d be over eighty by now if she’d lived, so it
     was an obvious possibility. But as long as I didn’t think of her…” He shoved his free
     hand through his hair. “She wasn’t real. She wasn’t a person to me, yet as long as
     I didn’t think about her, she was still alive somewhere.” Frustrated, he added, “I
     don’t know why it matters.”
    “Death cuts off possibilities. Even if they were possibilities you never meant to
     act on, it feels different when they’re gone.”
    Possibilities he never meant to act on, never thought he wanted. And now he ached
     from their loss. “She wasn’t a mother to me, but she was a person. I’ll never know
     that person. I never thought I’d want to.”
    “She was bipolar.”
    “What?” He stared. “I mean—I know what that is, of course, but how do you know that?”
    “Isen told me last night. She was in treatment for it several times, on his dime.
     I thought he should have told you years ago. He and I argued about that.”
    A dozen thoughts and memories tumbled around in his head. The past was supposed to
     be fixed, unalterable, but it was shifting on him. Finally he said, “It takes determination
     to argue with Isen.”
    “The Rho thing doesn’t work on me.”
    “Even so.” He started walking again. After half a block he said, “I want to get to
     know Jasper.”
    “That would be good. We’ve got some heavy shit to get through first.”
    Too damn true. “Speaking of which…” Rule stopped again and looked behind them. Scott
     and Cullen were half a block back. He gave the signal for them to approach.
    “Jasper thought you’d be upset about Adam.”
    He quirked a surprised brow at her. “I am, of course. Assuming that our assumption
     about his kidnapping is true.”
    “Not that kind of upset. Upset because his lover is a man. Once he got past the shock
     of me figuring out what property had been taken from him, he watched you. He was waiting
     for you to go all ick on him.”
    “How did you see that? I didn’t.”
    “Not so much baggage. No,” she corrected herself. “Different baggage. Mine doesn’t
     involve Jasper.”
    He felt better. Not good, but not as jumbled. He smiled to tell Lily that. “Why do
     you suppose he never contacted me?”
    “He was raised by a bipolar mother who didn’t get adequate treatment for years. He
     grew up gay in a society that made him a target for every kind of hate and bullying.
     Chances are he has his own baggage, don’t you think?”
    The rented BMW reached them quickly. Rule and Lily took the backseat; Cullen sat up
     front with Scott. Lily, he noticed, put her necklace back in her