Lust and Lies 04 - Pretty Maids in a Row

interests as well as the fast-paced life of the capital. He encouraged her to develop her untapped talents and convinced her to finish college in order to gain every advantage in the competitive city. She chose Georgetown University, as it was in the D.C. area and allowed her to continue working with him.
    It wasn't long before she sensed his feelings for her went beyond that of a close friend and employer, but he never acted upon his obvious attraction. He was a man who took his wedding vows seriously, regardless of how difficult that marriage was for him—and Holly had been around him and Cora enough to know that they had a multitude of problems.
    Even if he had not been married, however, Holly never wanted another man in her bed.
    The change in their relationship began when Philip's wife was diagnosed with cancer of the brain. For five years he suffered along with her as she underwent surgery and treatments, unspeakable pain and forgetfulness. As his closest friend, Holly was always there for him and shared his every frustration.
    When Cora finally died eight years ago, Holly cared too much to deny him the comfort he sought in her arms. Setting aside her vow of celibacy, she spent the night with him, but learned that compassion and friendship were not sufficient motivation for physical lovemaking. Either that or her ability to enjoy the experience had been forever crippled before it had had the chance to fully develop.
    She had allowed Philip into her bed twice more after that, mainly because she felt he deserved a fair chance to arouse her passion. Unlike other men, his touch did not repulse her; she just felt nothing at all. To her surprise and relief, he didn't seem to mind when she turned down his gentle hints to continue the intimacy.
    They settled into an easy companionship, except for each August 15, the anniversary of their first, and only, full night together. Saturday would mark the eighth time he asked her to marry him, and the eighth time she would decline.
    Always respectful and attentive, he was devoted to her and no other woman and she was clearly uninterested in any other man. He could never understand her refusal to formalize their relationship, but he knew better than to push more than once a year.
    Holly repeatedly explained her need for independence and privacy, though she admitted he filled other needs for her. In him, she had a good friend, an escort when she needed one, as well as a buffer between her and all others.
    For a while, Holly had felt guilty about using Philip, but he convinced her that he would take whatever she could give him rather than nothing at all. He swore he was satisfied knowing he was the only man that received attention from her, limited as it was.
    She had no problem stroking his ego. He was attractive for his age, intelligent, mature, focused, kind, generous and faithful, characteristics that might cause any normal woman to fall madly in love with him or at least be happy to have such a good man as a life partner. But Holly had never been able to say the words he wanted to hear. The phrase "I love you" had been stricken from her vocabulary twenty-one years ago, and she couldn't bring it to her lips, regardless of how much it would please Philip. Besides, he deserved more from her than a lie.
    Perhaps this time, when he asks why I won't marry him, I should tell him the truth.
    Holly had already decided that if she was going to tell anyone about that night it would have to be her parents first, then, depending on how that went, Philip next.
    Part of the reason she had avoided speaking of it was she wanted to block it out. The other part, however, was the fear of tarnishing the perfect image those three people had of her.
    Logically, of course, she had always known the blame belonged solely on the shoulders of Jerry Frampton and Tim Ziegler. But no amount of logic had done quite as much for her self-assurance as listening to the confidences of the women of the Little Sister Society that day and discovering that she wasn't the only one. She couldn't help but wonder how much further she could progress by following their advice to talk about what had happened to her.
    Why, it could even make a difference in how she responded to Philip on Saturday.
    For the second time that week, she made an impulsive phone call. As it was Wednesday afternoon, she knew exactly where she could find both her parents.
    "Kaufman Haus," her mother's cheery voice answered after the second