Machine Dreams

hair back from her face and moved over near him. “Anytime you come home, call me. You’ll be back on a leave before they send you anywhere, won’t you? No matter what people tell you, get in touch with me.”
    They both sat looking at the patch of night framed in the windshield of the Camaro. It was snowing again. Kato rested one hand on Billy’s thigh. There was no sense being jealous, or mad at her. She would always be herself, pretty and tarnished, buthonest like a guy was honest. She didn’t try to work things around.
    “I don’t know what will happen,” she said. Her hand on his leg moved now, stroking him. “You can always reach me through my father.”
    Billy gazed into the snow, imagining himself a grunt with a shaved head, buying Shinner Black cups of coffee at the Tap Room or the Rainbow.
Where’s Kato, Shinner? Give me a phone number.
Shiner would smell of Rebel Yell and he’d answer with a bleary, good-natured silence. Billy shook his head.
    Kato glanced at him. “I know, but eventually he’d tell you.”
    “I suppose so.”
    “You heard anything else about Danner?”
    “She’s staying in a motel. Her arraignment isn’t until the day after I leave. I bet she’s having a great New Year’s Eve.”
    “I guess.” Kato leaned forward and put her cigarette out. “Do you want to go by that party?”
    “No, this is my party. 1969 can end right here.”
    Kato laughed. “I think it already did.”
    Billy pulled her close and put his face against her hair, smelling a sweetish odor of cream rinse and tobacco smoke. Her hair wasn’t usually so light in winter; she must be bleaching it again. She had a kind of sexiness that wouldn’t diminish as she grew older. Middle-aged, she would look knowing and tired, he thought, her blondness brassier.
    She rubbed her eyes with her hands, like a kid, then looped both arms in his and settled against him. “I wish we could just go to sleep,” she said.
    The snow blew now in minute flakes that swirled like sand. There must be a long narrow beach behind the Sea View Motel in Naples, Florida; Billy couldn’t quite see it but he imagined the sound of surf. Here the wind was a constant murmur with snow inside it. His mother would be lying awake in the dark, listening.

WAR LETTERS
Billy

1970

    Why have we been able, so many times, to spoil Charlie’s whole day? Two reasons: One, the devastating firepower our weapons produce; Two, the rapidity with which we can put out that fire. But—and here’s the hooker—we can’t do that unless we’re on the guns, completely alert and aggressive about starting to fire. We can’t do it if, when the first incoming rounds start, we head for cover and wait until things let up. We have to watch for the flashes, spot them, and shoot back with everything we’ve got.
    Don’t get me wrong—I know this is the way our crews do it. So, all I’m saying is—keep up the good work!
    —
The Triumverate
, May 1968
First Infantry Division newssheet
Lake G. Churchill, Jr.
LTC, Arty
Commanding
    To ANTI-WAR American Servicemen! We
warmly
welcome American GIs
who
, for the sake of America’s honor and human conscience, resolutely oppose the aggressive
war waged
by US Imperialism in South Vietnam! We
warmly welcome
conscientious GIs
who
refuse to obey Inhuman orders forcing you to perform savage acts against the Vietnamese people! We have good
will
for you and don’t want to
hurt
you. To help us differentiate you from the stubborn thugs fighting us, you should do as follows. Read all instructions with care!
    —Propaganda pamphlet
distributed by SVNLF forces
    THE VIETNAMESE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR INDEPENDENCE AND FREEDOM THAT IS JUST WHAT THE AMERICAN DID IN 18TH CENTURY
    —SVNLF trail leaflet
    M-16 Rifle Tips (c.) Clean your rifle every chance you get. 3–5 times a day will not be too often in some cases. Cleanliness is next to godliness, boy, and it may save your life!
    —Defense Department pamphlet,
1967

    FORT KNOX, KENTUCKY
    Pvt. W. Hampson/RA 11949711
Co. E, 16 Bn 4Tng Boe USATCA
Fort Knox, KY

Jan. 20, 1970
    Dear Mom. How’s life in Bellington? Things here are not too bad. I am fine and have put on some weight even tho the food is terrible. Weight must be all muscle since Basic is one 24 hr. workout. Quarters are okay, I think from WW II, two-story wood barracks with double metal bunks. Weather here a lot better than at home, not near as much snow. You’ll be glad to know I’m getting good grades as a