Machine Dreams

through triple-canopy jungle for a year does not appeal to me much. Have talked to my CO about it and will make up my mind in two weeks or so whether to put in a request for duty. Have always wanted to fly tho would rather do it over the Carolinas or Kentucky—actually I could use VA benefits for pilot training after I get out, would get plenty of experience in a chopper crew. Tell Aunt Bess and Katie thanks for the socks and scarf they sent last month, but real glad I don’t need them anymore. As for what I do with spare time, not much—nearest towns are Wrightstown and Sykesville, smaller than Bellington, kind of deserted almost or look that way by nine at night. Mt. Holly a little bigger but real drab. In the company we call them Cities of Abuse. Some of the guys wrote up a petition for passes to Saigon as a joke.
    All the best to
everyone,
Billy
    April 27, 1970
    Dear Danner. Yes I’ve been getting your letters and I understand, but this is my thing and you’ll have to try to accept it. If you were me you might do the same. The nightmare is going to be on theground, that is clear, no matter what the statistics about gunners (where do you
get
all this shit?), and we hear plenty here based on the real stuff—I want to be up, moving over it with my own gun in front of me. If I get hit I want to get hit with plenty of metal around me. This is not crazy logic—we are not talking about the same world, and there is no way to play it safe. I’ve hauled the M-60 all over Fort Dix, and any fucker dragging it through paddies and setting it up in hill country is going to be plenty vulnerable—they always go for the gunners, to put them out, whether they’re in the air or not—so whatever choice I had was gone when I got assigned Weapons and the M-60 before AIT. My choice is ground or air, and I know I feel less like a sitting chickenshit in the air. I only tell you this because I know you will keep it to yourself. My real feeling is that I’m not so scared of being dead, if it’s fast—I’m scared as shit of lying in some jungle all fucked up, waiting for a dustoff that can’t get in because the zone is too hot. That’s what I have the dreams about. What do you mean, aren’t I scared? What kind of fucking question is that? If I go down in a chopper there will be another chopper in fast, to get me and to protect the machine. Now that I know I’m going to Nam, I would just as soon go, stop thinking and waiting. Probably when I get there the only familiar thing will be the gun and I will be feeling like holding on to it. It’s nothing like John Wayne or that show we used to watch after school—what was it?—12 O’Clock High. Used to love that show and the bomber jackets. When you get finished firing fourteen rounds on an M-60, you get this vibration in your body that’s like the
ack-ack
of the ammo, except it’s silent, and a hot flash like a drug hit as you step away. But no bomber jacket. Sorry I hardly ever write, I do read all your letters, some of the best entertainment around here, and I mean that. We can talk more on my leave—I’ll be home by the night of the 5th. Mitch is driving up to spare this poor grunt the bus ride.
    love,
Billy
    PS—Enclosed a Kodak of me and Cindy, the girl from Merrimac I went out with at Fort Knox. She came up and I got a pass & wewent to Normandy Beach, ocean still cold but real pretty. She made me give her your address in case I go back on my promise to write from the Nam. See you soon. Hope you ace your finals.
    OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA
    Pfc. Hampson/RA 11949711
US Army Personnel Center
Oakland CA

May 24, 1970
    Dear Danner. You wanted a post card of the Golden Gate, so here it is! I hear it really
is
red but haven’t seen it myself. Am flying out of here tonight on a chartered Braniff. Will write on arrival.
    Billy
    LONG BINH, SOUTH VIETNAM
    Pfc. Hampson/RA 11949711
Company C, 227th Aviation Bn.
1st Infantry Div.
APO Frisco, 96490

May 27, 1970
    Dear Mom. Arrived in good shape, landed at Tan Son Nhut Airport in Saigon and joined 93rd Replacement Bn at Long Binh Base Camp for reassignment probably to a chopper out of Lai Khe. Don’t worry, I will stay light on my feet. Temp, here is 100 plus and real humid, so am glad I’ll be in the air, cooler at 1500 ft. If you look at the map on the envelope (I guess the army is trying to explain to parents etc where we are, I sure don’t know), I am near Bien Hoa. No address yet, so don’t write until my next letter, have