Mary, Mary

traumatic—there’s no way around that—but not irreversible, at least not so far.
    “I’ll be fine,” I told Nana. “Body and soul.”
    “I told the children to wait outside. I want to say something to you, and then put it behind us.”
    “Uh-oh. I’m in trouble again, aren’t I? Back in the doghouse.”
    She didn’t return my smile, but she did take my hand in both of hers.
    “I thank God for you every single day of my life, Alex, and I thank him for letting me raise you, and see you turn into the man you did. But I want you to think about why you came to me in the first place, what was going on between your poor parents before they died. Simply put, Jannie and Damon and Ali deserve better than you had.”
    Nana stopped to make room for what was coming next. “Don’t make them orphans, Alex.”

Chapter 120
    I STARTED TO SPEAK my piece, but Nana Mama went on, gently raising her voice. “I’m the
first
of us to go. Don’t you dare argue with me.”
    Finally, I just shrugged, which hurt my shoulder and neck.
    “What can I say?”
    “Nothing. You say nothing. You just listen to my wisdom, wisdom of the ages. You listen, and maybe one day you’ll finally learn something.”
    We shared a long look into each other’s eyes. A lump rose in my throat, although what I felt wasn’t sadness. It was more like gratitude, and the most incredible love for this small, amazingly powerful woman—who was, indeed, wise beyond her years, and certainly mine.
    “Believe it or not, I always listen to you,” I said.
    “Yes, and then you go and do whatever you were going to do in the first place.”
    Sounds from the hospital corridor came into the room as the door opened halfway. I looked over to see Damon’s eager face, and my heart did a little hop.
    “Look who it is!” I wiped my eyes. “The man of the house has arrived.”
    “They told us Jannie can’t come in ’cause she’s under twelve,” he said.
    I sat up in bed. “Where is she?”
    “I’m right here.” Jannie’s indignant tone came through clearly from behind the door.
    “Well, then get in here before anyone sees you. C’mon. Nobody’s gonna arrest you. Except me, if you stay outside for one minute longer.”
    The two of them came in and rushed over to the bed, stopping short at the sight of my collection of bandages. I reached out with my free arm and took them both in at the same time.
    “How long do you have to be here?” Jannie asked into my good side.
    “Should be going home in a couple of days,” I told her.
    “Looks worse than it is,” said Nana.
    Damon stood up again and looked at the truss. “Did it hurt really bad?”
    “Badly,” Nana muttered.
    “I’ve had worse,” I said. They both looked at me with the same neutral, almost reproachful expression. Who was the parent here, anyway? Somehow they seemed older than the last time I’d seen them. I felt a little older myself.
    These two were going to grow and change, whether or not I was around to watch. Such an obvious thing, but the truth of it—the reality of it—suddenly inhabited me.
    I finally gave in. “Yeah,” I said. “It did. It hurt a lot.”
    And then, that terrible thought again—
don’t make them orphans, Alex
—and I held my kids so tight, even as my shoulder ached, but I couldn’t let them go, and I couldn’t let them know what I was thinking, either.

Chapter 121
    I STAYED AT THE FLETCHER ALLEN HOSPITAL in Vermont for nearly a week, which was my longest hospital stay to date, and maybe another warning to me.
How many warnings did I get?
    Around 6:00 in the evening on Friday, I received a call from Detective Jeanne Galletta out in L.A. “Alex, has anyone told you the news yet?” she asked. “I assume they have.”
    “What news, Jeanne? That I’m being released from the hospital tomorrow?”
    “I don’t know anything about that. But yesterday, Mary Wagner confessed to the murders here in L.A.”
    “She didn’t commit those murders. Michael Bell did.”
    “I know that. Even Maddux Fielding knows it. Nobody believed her, but she confessed. Then, sometime last night, poor Mary Wagner hung herself in her cell. She’s dead, Alex.”
    I sighed and shook my head a couple of times. “I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s just another death Bell is responsible for. Another murder.”
    The following morning, and much to my surprise, I was released from the hospital. I called home with the news, and I even managed to get on a flight to Boston.