Me

not for who they think I am. And if they love me, let them love me for who I am, not for who they think I am.
    Today, I understand that I can’t expect everybody to love me, and as silly as it may sound, it took me a long time to absorb and understand that. This enormous need I have of being accepted was very likely what led me to become what I am, because I was always willing to do what was asked of me, in order to please others. Being rejected was painful for me. That’s why I kept my reality a secret. I didn’t want to feel the disapproval of others, especially because on some occasions, when I had revealed my truth to some of the closest people around me, I faced some very unexpected reactions.
    The thing is that we tend to perceive one another the way we want to. And when that image is destroyed, we become angry. Maybe we don’t want to see the truth, or maybe we could not see it because it was hiding. Everyone lives according to a certain set of rules they learned when they were very young, many of which condition us to see the world as we would like it to be, and not as it truly is.
    This is why I want to make sure that my kids grow up without the pressures and preconceptions that I grew up with. I want them to live a life without limitations of color, race, origin, or sexual orientation, and to feel total freedom to be who they are. And if tomorrow they like men or women or both, I won’t be the one to hold them back or condition them to do this or that. And although I know that in life they will encounter people who will not have the open and accepting worldview they have, at least I can rest assured that they will feel peace in their hearts because they can be who they are. Needless to say there will undoubtedly come a day when they will suffer, but I hope it will never be because they cannot be themselves.
    The truth is that I don’t wish the pain I endured on anyone, which is why I think it is so important to fight against prejudice. Do you know how many teenagers kill themselves every day because they cannot face their sexuality? Do you know how many people grow old having never accepted their sexuality? They lead miserable lives, never allowing themselves to be who they really are. Many don’t even allow themselves to discover their true nature, and to me that is a tragedy.
    I would love to be able to know what it is that makes one person come out of the closet at the age of eighteen, and someone else at thirty-eight. In my case, I would have wanted it to happen sooner. But in order to find peace in the past, in that eternity that is enough to drive anyone crazy for the supposed “lost time,” I have decided to accept the simple fact that it was not my moment. It took me a long time to really believe that what people think of me is not my business, that it has nothing to do with me. And every day I work to incorporate that thought so that it may become a way of life. Thinking and believing that what people say about me shouldn’t be my problem has liberated me on many levels. I would be lying if I said the opinions of others have no importance in my life—of course they do—but I cannot let them define the way I see myself, making me feel less or more than what I am. What you think of me is not my reality, but instead your own. What you think of me simply isn’t my problem. I found my truth when I accepted and embraced who I genuinely am. I had to battle with fear and the need to hide in order to ultimately find acceptance and to be able to love myself once again. I had to struggle with denial, with self-hate, and with negotiating with God. . . . But everything changes, I have faith.
    And be it because of cultural barriers, because of how my life unfolded, or any other number of factors that played into the equation, I was not ready until I was thirty-eight. Maybe I was working so hard that I didn’t even have the time to stop and think about what was really happening to me. Or maybe I wanted to hide it from myself for all that time simply because I didn’t have the spiritual tools to cope with the consequences of facing my own truth. Maybe I even had to battle against human trafficking to really comprehend the injustice of what it means to steal a part of someone’s life. Or maybe I had to go through the experience of being a father, to have my two beautiful angels, to be able to take a step back and understand that this is no longer just about me.
    Whatever the reason may be—or maybe