Missing

staying intoxicated for as much of the time as possible. Nothing else mattered. With her brain activity permanently set on Low, most things became endurable. There was even a sense of security to be gained from the degradation that meant nothing was questioned and nothing was unacceptable. Slowly but surely she adjusted to the more or less overt contempt of people she encountered. The recognition that she was a loser only sealed her solidarity with the other outcasts.
    For six years, this was her life – six years outside time.
    Then, a turning point. It happened when she woke up on a bench near the Slussen walkway, heavily drunk, smeared with vomit and lying in a pool of her excrement. Around her stood an entire class of little primary school kids, watching her with wonder.
    ‘Miss. What’s she doing there? Is she sick?’
    ‘Miss. Why does she smell so?’
    A wall of children, all round-eyed with astonishment at this, their first insight into the downside of adulthood. The shocked teacher, who was about her own age, turned up and protectively herded her charges away.
    ‘Come now. Don’t look!’
    Then a terrible thought had struck her. Her own son might have been one of the children and the state she was in was conclusive proof that her mother’s decision had been right.

    She turned to look at her new-found companion. It seemed that he had managed to sleep in the end. She crawled out of her sleeping bag to put her anorak over the boy. He was lying on his back with his arms crossed over his chest to keep warm.
    How young he was.
    His whole life ahead, unused. Somewhere her son had reached almost the same age.
    She crawled back. Much longer in this attic and she’d go off her head.
    Formulating this thought immediately led on to the realisation that something had happened to her – a good thing. She glanced towards her visitor again and thought that he had brought something else, much more important than spare-ribs and Coke. His respect for her as a fellow human being had granted her a new kind of dignity. For some inscrutable reason he was the one who had found her here. She was made stronger by his unreserved interest and admiration for what he felt she stood for. During the last few days some of her normal instincts had seemed damaged beyond recovery, but now they were reviving. Most of all, her instinct to fight against the odds.
    The worst darkness was lifting. Tomorrow she’d pull herself together, do something.
    They wouldn’t crush her this time either, so there. She wondered if the nationwide search for her was still on. Better get hold of a paper.

T hen I saw a new Heaven and a new Earth; for the first Heaven and the first Earth had passed away and the sea was no more. And I saw the Holy City, a New Jerusalem, coming down out of Heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; and from afar I heard a great voice from the throne saying:
    ‘Behold, the dwelling of God is with men . He will dwell with them and they shall be His people, and God himself will be with them; He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for former things have passed away.’
    And He who sat upon the throne said:
    ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ Also he said:
    ‘Write this down for these words are trustworthy and true.’
    And He said to me:
    ‘It is done. I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water without price from the fountain of the water of life. He who conquers shall have this heritage and I will be his God and he shall be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.’

    Lord, I have done my duty .
    Now, all I can do is wait .

S he had been surreptitiously watching him for a long time before he woke. The cold must have troubled him during the night, because he’d put her anorak on.
    During the small hours, she had made up her mind. She needed his help. Her only hope lay in telling him the truth. Then she went over what she must say again and again, trying to find the most gentle way to describe her situation.

    When he woke his first move was to reach for his glasses. Then he sat up and looked at her, pulling his sleeping bag tightly around him.
    ‘It’s so fucking cold. Thanks for