Missing

stayed where she was. She recognised the nurse, who had helped her into the doctor’s room earlier that day.
    ‘Sibylla, you must put the baby down. Come on. Let’s go back to the ward now.’
    ‘He’s my son.’
    The nurse seemed uncertain about what to do, but reached out her arms in order to take the baby away. Sibylla turned her back.
    ‘I’m not letting go of him.’
    Now she felt the other woman’s hand on her shoulder. She shrugged to get free and the movement woke the child in her arms. He whined a little, but stopped when she gently stroked his head.
    ‘Hush, hush my darling. Mummy’s here.’
    The nurse was on her way out of the room. Sibylla put her hand behind his head to get a better look at his face. His eyes had opened, small dark blue eyes moving about in order to find something to focus on.
    A moment later, they were back. Four of them this time and one of them was a man. He walked straight up to Sibylla and spoke to her authoritatively.
    ‘Put the baby down now.’
    ‘He’s my baby.’
    The man hesitated for a moment, Then he pulled out a chair for her.
    ‘Why don’t you sit down?’
    ‘No thanks. Sitting still hurts.’
    One of the others came up to her.
    ‘Listen, Sibylla, behaving like this doesn’t solve anything. You’re just making it worse for yourself.’
    ‘Worse? How?’
    They looked at each other in turn. One of them left the room.
    ‘Sibylla, everyone has agreed the child is to be adopted. He’ll have the best possible opportunities, so you mustn’t worry.’
    ‘I haven’t agreed to anything. And I want to keep him.’
    ‘Sibylla, I know it’s hard and I’m sorry. There’s nothing we can do about it, you know.’
    They were crowding her.
    Three against one and the fourth presumably on her way back. She might bring reinforcements. Everyone was against her, they were all playing in the opposing team. She was facing them alone, with only her baby on her side.
    The two of them against the rest of the world. So what? She wouldn’t abandon him.
    The man pushed the chair away.
    ‘There are two ways to deal with this situation. Either you put him back in his cot yourself and leave quietly. Or else we’ll have to force you.’
    Her heart was beating hard. They were going to take him away again.
    ‘Please, can’t you see? I’m his mother. You know that. You mustn’t take him away, he’s all I’ve got.’
    The tears were coming now. Her whole body shook and her head was spinning. She closed her eyes. I shall not fall ill again. Not ill.
    When she opened her eyes again, it was too late.
    The man was about to leave the room, holding her son in his arms. Two other men in white clothes had arrived. They grabbed her arms.
    Her child was crying. She could hear the sound disappearing down the corridor.
    She never saw her son again.

‘T hat’s a fucking crime! Were they allowed to do that?’
    She didn’t reply. She was wondering what had made her tell the story especially since she had never even mentioned it to anyone before. Her loss had been gnawing at her all the time, like a swallowed shard of glass. Its unyielding edge had kept the wound raw, but she had never before expressed her grief in words.
    Maybe she had told him because he was about the same age as her son. Or maybe because of everything – the hopelessness of it all. No more point in keeping quiet.
    ‘But what happened afterwards?’
    She hesitated. These were memories she had tried hard to forget.
    ‘They had to lock me up. I was kept in a mental hospital for almost half a year. By then I just couldn’t hack it any more.’
    ‘Jesus … were you, you know, like … crazy?’
    She couldn’t be bothered answering. They sat in silence for while.
    ‘How do you mean, couldn’t hack it? Did you go on the run?’
    ‘Yes, I did. Not that I think they chased me that much. I wasn’t exactly a danger to the public.’
    Not like now, that is.
    ‘What about your Mum and Dad? What did they say?’
    ‘Good question. Well, they said I couldn’t stay with them. I was an adult and had made my own bed and could go lie in it and so on.’
    ‘Fucking sickoes.’
    Indeed.
    ‘Then what did you do?’
    She looked at him.
    ‘Are you always this curious?’
    ‘I’ve never talked to a drifter before.’
    She sighed, raising her eyes to the ceiling. Well, then. Listen and learn.
    ‘First, I went to the nearest biggish town – it was Växsjö. I was scared silly that they’d find me and send me back to the