Monstrous Regiment

least we can definitely say he was stopped,” said Blouse.
    “Thir, thith man is dying,” said Igorina, who was kneeling by the man Sergeant Jackrum had so positively saved from choking. “He hath been poithoned!”
    “Hath he? By whom?” said Blouse. “Are you sure?”
    “The green foam coming out of hith mouth ith a definite clue, thir.”
    “What’s funny, Private Maladict?” said Blouse.
    The vampire chuckled. “Oh, sorry, sir. They say to spies, ‘if you’re caught, eat the documents,’ don’t they? A good way of making sure they don’t give away any secrets.”
    “But you’ve got the…soggy book in your hands, Private!”
    “Vampires can’t be poisoned that easily, sir,” said Maladict calmly.
    “It wath probably only fatal by mouth in any case, thir,” said Igorina. “Terrible stuff. Th tuff. He’th dead, thir. Nothing I can do.”
    “Poor fellow. Well, we have the codes, anyway,” said Blouse. “This is a great discovery, men.”
    “And a prisoner, sir, and a prisoner,” said Jackrum.
    The one surviving man, who had been operating the clacks, groaned and tried to move.
    “A bit bruised, I expect,” Jackrum added with some satisfaction. “When I land on someone, sir, they stay landed on.”
    “Two of you, bring him with us,” said Blouse. “Sergeant, there’s a few hours to dawn, and I want to be well away from here. I want the other two buried somewhere down in the woods, and—”
    “You just have to say ‘carry on, Sergeant,’ sir,” said Jackrum, and it was almost a wail. “That’s how it works, sir! You tell me what you want, I give ’em the orders!”
    “Times are changing, Sergeant,” said Blouse.

    Messages, flying across the sky. They were an Abomination Unto Nuggan.
    The logic sounded impeccable to Polly as she helped Wazzer to dig two graves. Prayers from the faithful ascended unto Nuggan, going upwards. A variety of unseen things, such as sanctity and grace and a list of this week’s Abominations, descended from Nuggan to the faithful, going downwards. What was forbidden was messages from one human to another going, as it were, sideways. There could be collisions. If you believe in Nuggan, that is. If you believed in prayer.
    Wazzer’s real name was Alice, she confided as she dug, but it was hard to apply the name to a small, stick-thin lad with a bad haircut and not much skill with a shovel, who had a habit of standing just slightly too close to you and stared just slightly to the left of your face when she talked to you. Wazzer believed in prayer. She believed in everything. That made her kind of…awkward to talk to, if you didn’t. But Polly felt she should make the effort.
    “How old are you, Wazz?” she said, shoveling dirt.
    “N-n-nineteen, Polly,” said Wazzer.
    “Why’d you join?”
    “The Duchess told me to,” said Wazzer.
    That was why people didn’t talk to Wazzer much.
    “Wazz, you do know that wearing men’s clothes is an Abomination, don’t you?”
    “Thank you for reminding me, Polly,” said Wazzer without a trace of irony. “But the Duchess told me that nothing I do will be held Abominable in pursuit of my quest.”
    “A quest, eh,” said Polly, trying to sound jovial. “And what kind of quest is that?”
    “I am to take command of the army,” said Wazzer.
    Hairs rose on the back of Polly’s neck.
    “Yes?” she said.
    “Yes, the Duchess stepped out of her picture when I was asleep and She told me to go at once to Kneck,” said Wazzer. “The Little Mother spoke to me, Ozz. She commanded me. She guides my steps! She led me out of vile slavery! How can that be an Abomination?”
    She’s got a sword, thought Polly. And a shovel. This needs careful handling.
    “That’s nice,” she said.
    “And…and I must tell you that…I…never in my life have I felt such love and camaraderie,” Wazzer went on earnestly. “These few days have been the happiest of my life. You have all shown me such kindness, such gentleness. The Little Mother guides me. She guides us all, Ozz. You believe that, too. Don’t you?”
    The moonlight revealed the tracks of tears in the grime on Wazzer’s cheeks.
    “Um,” said Polly and sought wildly for a way to avoid lying. She found it. “Er…you know I want to find Paul?” she said.
    “Yes, and that does you credit, the Duchess knows,” said Wazzer quickly.
    “Yes, well…yes, I’m also doing it for The Duchess,” said Polly, feeling wretched. “I think about The Duchess