Mort

“Very reliable, the catering trade.”
    “I don’t think he does,” said Mort.
    “No, probably not,” said Lezek. “Bit of a one-man business, I expect. He’s gone now, anyway. Tell you what, I’ll save you a bit of mine.”
    “I don’t actually feel very hungry, Dad.”
    “There’s hardly any gristle.”
    “No. But thanks all the same.”
    “Oh.” Lezek deflated a little. He danced about a bit to stamp some life back into his feet, and whistled a few tuneless bars between his teeth. He felt he ought to say something, to offer some kind of advice, to point out that life had its ups and downs, to put his arm around his son’s shoulder and talk expansively about the problems of growing up, to indicate—in short—that the world is a funny old place where one should never, metaphorically speaking, be so proud as to turn down the offer of a perfectly good hot meat pie.
    They were alone now. The frost, the last one of the year, tightened its grip on the stones.
    High in the tower above them a cogged wheel went clonk , tripped a lever, released a ratchet and let a heavy lead weight drop down. There was a dreadful metallic wheezing noise and the trapdoors in the clock face slid open, releasing the clockwork men. Swinging their hammers jerkily, as if they were afflicted with robotic arthritis, they began to ring in the new day.
    “Well, that’s it,” said Lezek, hopefully. They’d have to find somewhere to sleep—Hogswatchnight was no time to be walking in the mountains. Perhaps there was a stable somewhere….
    “It’s not midnight until the last stroke,” said Mort, distantly.
    Lezek shrugged. The sheer strength of Mort’s obstinacy was defeating him.
    “All right,” he said. “We’ll wait, then.”
    And then they heard the clip-clop of hooves, which boomed rather more loudly around the chilly square than common acoustics should really allow. In fact clip-clop was an astonishingly inaccurate word for the kind of noise which rattled around Mort’s head; clip-clop suggested a rather jolly little pony, quite possibly wearing a straw hat with holes cut out for its ears. An edge to this sound made it very clear that straw hats weren’t an option.
    The horse entered the square by the Hub road, steam curling off its huge damp white flanks and sparks striking up from the cobbles beneath it. It trotted proudly, like a war charger. It was definitely not wearing a straw hat.
    The tall figure on its back was wrapped up against the cold. When the horse reached the center of the square the rider dismounted, slowly, and fumbled with something behind the saddle. Eventually he—or she—produced a nosebag, fastened it over the horse’s ears, and gave it a friendly pat on the neck.
    The air took on a thick, greasy feel, and the deep shadows around Mort became edged with blue and purple rainbows. The rider strode towards him, black cloak billowing and feet making little clicking sounds on the cobbles. They were the only noises—silence clamped down on the square like great drifts of cotton wool.
    The impressive effect was rather spoilt by a patch of ice.
    O H, BUGGER .
    It wasn’t exactly a voice. The words were there all right, but they arrived in Mort’s head without bothering to pass through his ears.
    He rushed forward to help the fallen figure, and found himself grabbing hold of a hand that was nothing more than polished bone, smooth and rather yellowed like an old billiard ball. The figure’s hood fell back, and a naked skull turned its empty eyesockets towards him.
    Not quite empty, though. Deep within them, as though they were windows looking across the gulfs of space, were two tiny blue stars.
    It occurred to Mort that he ought to feel horrified, so he was slightly shocked to find that he wasn’t. It was a skeleton sitting in front of him, rubbing its knees and grumbling, but it was a live one, curiously impressive but not, for some strange reason, very frightening.
    T HANK YOU, BOY , said the skull. W HAT IS YOUR NAME ?
    “Uh,” said Mort, “Mortimer…sir. They call me Mort.”
    W HAT A COINCIDENCE , said the skull. H ELP ME UP, PLEASE .
    The figure rose unsteadily, brushing itself down. Now Mort could see there was a heavy belt around its waist, from which was slung a white-handled sword.
    “I hope you are not hurt, sir,” he said politely.
    The skull grinned. Of course, Mort thought, it hasn’t much of a choice.
    N O H ARM DONE , I AM SURE . The skull looked around and seemed to see