Mort

Lezek, who appeared to be frozen to the spot, for the first time. Mort thought an explanation was called for.
    “My father,” he said, trying to move protectively in front of Exhibit A without causing any offense. “Excuse me, sir, but are you Death?”
    C ORRECT . F ULL MARKS FOR OBSERVATION, THAT BOY .
    Mort swallowed.
    “My father is a good man,” he said. He thought for a while, and added, “Quite good. I’d rather you left him alone, if it’s all the same to you. I don’t know what you have done to him, but I’d like you to stop it. No offense meant.”
    Death stepped back, his skull on one side.
    I HAVE MERELY PUT US OUTSIDE TIME FOR A MOMENT , he said. H E WILL SEE AND HEAR NOTHING THAT DISTURBS HIM . N O, BOY, IT WAS YOU I CAME FOR .
    “Me?”
    Y OU ARE HERE SEEKING EMPLOYMENT ?
    Light dawned on Mort. “You are looking for an apprentice ?” he said.
    The eyesockets turned towards him, their actinic pinpoints flaring.
    O F COURSE .
    Death waved a bony hand. There was a wash of purple light, a sort of visible “pop,” and Lezek unfroze. Above his head the clockwork automatons got on with the job of proclaiming midnight, as Time was allowed to come creeping back.
    Lezek blinked.
    “Didn’t see you there for a minute,” he said. “Sorry—mind must have been elsewhere.”
    I WAS OFFERING YOUR BOY A POSITION , Said Death. I TRUST THAT MEETS WITH YOUR APPROVAL ?
    “What was your job again?” said Lezek, talking to a black-robed skeleton without showing even a flicker of surprise.
    I USHER SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD , Said Death.
    “Ah,” said Lezek, “of course, sorry, should have guessed from the clothes. Very necessary work, very steady. Established business?”
    I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR SOME TIME, YES , said Death.
    “Good. Good. Never really thought of it as a job for Mort, you know, but it’s good work, good work, always very reliable. What’s your name?”
    D EATH .
    “Dad—” said Mort urgently.
    “Can’t say I recognize the firm,” said Lezek. “Where are you based exactly?”
    F ROM THE UTTERMOST DEPTHS OF THE SEA TO THE HEIGHTS WHERE EVEN THE EAGLE MAY NOT GO , said Death.
    “That’s fair enough,” nodded Lezek. “Well, I—”
    “Dad—” said Mort, pulling at his father’s coat.
    Death laid a hand on Mort’s shoulder.
    W HAT YOUR FATHER SEES AND HEARS IS NOT WHAT YOU SEE AND HEAR , he said. D O NOT WORRY HIM . D O YOU THINK HE WOULD WANT TO SEE ME—IN THE FLESH, AS IT WERE ?
    “But you’re Death,” said Mort. “You go around killing people!”
    I? K ILL ? said Death, obviously offended. C ERTAINLY NOT . P EOPLE GET KILLED, BUT THAT’S THEIR BUSINESS . I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON . A FTER ALL, IT’D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, WOULDN’T IT ?
    “Well, yes—” said Mort, doubtfully.
    Mort had never heard the word “intrigued.” It was not in regular use in the family vocabulary. But a spark in his soul told him that here was something weird and fascinating and not entirely horrible, and that if he let this moment go he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it. And he remembered the humiliations of the day, and the long walk back home….
    “Er,” he began, “I don’t have to die to get the job, do I?”
    B EING DEAD IS NOT COMPULSORY .
    “And…the bones…?”
    N OT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO .
    Mort breathed out again. It had been starting to prey on his mind.
    “If Father says it’s all right,” he said.
    They looked at Lezek, who was scratching his beard.
    “How do you feel about this, Mort?” he said, with the brittle brightness of a fever victim. “It’s not everyone’s idea of an occupation. It’s not what I had in mind, I admit. But they do say that undertaking is an honored profession. It’s your choice.”
    “Undertaking?” said Mort. Death nodded, and raised his finger to his lips in a conspiratorial gesture.
    “It’s interesting,” said Mort slowly. “I think I’d like to try it.”
    “Where did you say your business was?” said Lezek. “Is it far?”
    N O FURTHER THAN THE THICKNESS OF A SHADOW , Said Death. W HERE THE FIRST PRIMAL CELL WAS, THERE WAS I ALSO . W HERE MAN IS, THERE AM I. W HEN THE LAST LIFE CRAWLS UNDER FREEZING STARS, THERE WILL I BE .
    “Ah,” said Lezek, “you get about a bit, then.” He looked puzzled, like a man struggling to remember something important, and then obviously gave up.
    Death patted him on the shoulder in a friendly fashion and turned to Mort.
    H