Murder Deja Vu

futility of being there, day after day, wasting away and accomplishing nothing. I couldn’t take the abyss of nothingness.”
    “I’m glad you didn’t.”
    Reece craned his neck. He could see Dana’s profile. She turned, caught him looking. Her smile hit him where it made him the happiest.
    “Me too,” he said, and then he thought again of the terrible place he had put her.

Chapter Thirty-Four
The Dark Side

    D ana lay in Reece’s arms, her head nestled on his chest. He had showered, and she breathed in the fragrance of his aftershave, a name she’d never heard that smelled of lavender and cedar. He’d found it on a trip to France during his college days. “I won’t let you get rid of me.”
    He pulled her tighter. “I don’t want to get rid of you. I want to protect you. There’s a difference.”
    “I’m safe here, you heard Frank.”
    “You also heard him say I’m right in wanting to get you out of this before you land in prison.”
    “I won’t. And neither will you. Clarence is working on the murders too. One of you will find the right person.”
    “You’re beautiful, Dana, but you’re also naïve. I remember when I was the same way, but I’ve learned being innocent or being right doesn’t always translate to being safe. I don’t want to go back to prison. You already know some of the reasons, but there’s more you should hear before you make any decisions that could impact your life.”
    “I’ve made my decision.”
    “But you don’t have all the facts.” He sat up in bed. She did too. “Remember I told you about seeing a shrink?”
    “There’s nothing wrong with that. Staying with Robert all those years should have qualified me as a charter patient in a mental hospital.”
    “Then we might have met earlier.”
    She stopped, shifted into her usual cross-legged position. “What are you saying?”
    “I should have told you. I should have done a lot of things because I knew you were special from the day we met. It was one of those instant things. That never happened to me before, but then I’d been out of commission a long time. I don’t want you to pay the price for my dishonesty.”
    Dana wasn’t lying when she told Reece she wanted to know everything about him, and she knew “everything” wouldn’t be pleasant. She’d already heard some of it and didn’t think what he had left to say could be worse. “What do you think you’ve been dishonest about?”
    “Frank asked me tonight if I ever wanted to kill myself in prison. I said I’d thought about it seriously, more than once. Obviously, I didn’t, whether out of cowardice or fear, I don’t know. On good days I’d talk myself out of it, and that lasted until the bad days were too many in a row to ignore. Then I’d struggle all over again.”
    “And when you were free you still thought about it?”
    He looked at her. They’d left one bedside light on low, and she could see his eyes. Dark blue and earnest. And cautious. He still had trouble telling her about the second part of his life.
    “You didn’t answer,” she said.
    He nodded. “When I got out, I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to go home to Maine. There was nothing there for me anymore. I stayed with Jeri for a few weeks until I found a small house to rent in Concord, about twenty miles from Boston. Beautiful town, lots of history. I thought I could get lost there while I reacquainted myself with freedom. I slept outside at first so I could get a sense of the universe, and because I couldn’t stand to be inside, locked in a house. I knew it wasn’t a cell, but I still felt confined. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that. I’ll start with your house.” He squeezed her hand and offered a smile.
    “I can’t explain what went through me. Being out made me realize more clearly what I’d lost—the years, my career, everything I’d worked so hard to achieve before the state decided I wasn’t fit for civilization. I had nothing left and no one to stop me from ending my life. The thought scared the shit out of me. I knew I was close to the edge. So did Jeraldine. She urged me to get help. That moment was a turning point. Did I want to live or didn’t I? I decided I did, that I couldn’t let life beat me after fifteen years of the worst of it. I checked into a private hospital.”
    The dim light did nothing to hide the anguish on his face. Dana moved closer to him. Jeraldine had told her this. Not that he’d checked into a