My Everything

realm.
    “Is it something I said?”
    “No,” I lie.
    “Okay.” I can see the hurt on her face and I feel like a total shit. What the hell is wrong with me? Here I am sitting across from a beautiful woman and I’m worried about her age. Why does that even matter?
    “Aubrey, I’m sorry. I was taken aback by your college remark.”
    “Oh.” I can’t tell if she’s relieved or just accepting that I’m nothing but a jerk.
    “Can I ask how old you are?”
    Aubrey takes a drink of her water. There’s a wicked glint in her when she puts her glass down.
    “I’m twenty-one and have probably seen and experienced more in my lifetime than you ever will.”
    “You’re right,” I say.
    I need to fix this. I need to stop being stupid and letting something as trivial as age affect me. I throw my napkin down on the table and push my chair back. Her face falls and it’s in that moment that I know I can do this. That is what I tell myself as I reach for the plates. I can be a man and start living my life whether it's here or back home. I can live with my turmoil toward Noah while letting my life take a different course. Is that course with Aubrey? I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t like the way she looked when I stood up.
    “I’m not very hungry. Would you like to go for a walk?”
    She looks up at me and nods. We clean up our mess, washing and putting away our dishes and make our way out of the dorm. We walk to the edge of the compound and as much as I’d love to leave, we don’t. There is enough to explore without compromising our safety.
     I direct us toward the playground. The children are all in for the night so we have some privacy. She sits on the swing and I take this opportunity to stand behind her. I push her gently and watch as she sways back and forth. I remember doing this with Noah when he was little, teaching him how to pump his legs in and out. He outgrew swinging the moment he picked up a football. I saw the talent in him, but wanted to ignore it. I didn’t want Josie having to deal with what she hated most in her life, but as his parents, we couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening. I did the next best thing and started coaching Noah and instilled as many values as I could.
    “I’m sorry for my reaction back there. I’m here… I’m here because my fiancée and I broke up and this was the best way for me to deal with it. Initially, I had hoped she was going to come with me, but things didn’t work out that way.”
    “Are you still in love with her?” Aubrey’s voice is quiet, serene.
    I think about her question and roll it over in my head. Am I still in love with Josie? I don’t know.
     
    I never thought I’d see her again. We didn’t stay in touch when I went off to college, not that we had any reason to, but it would’ve been nice. I look down at the chart in my hand and see the name, Noah. I look back at her, she smiles weakly as the toddler in her arms cries uncontrollably. She looks tired and rightfully so.
    “Josephine, it’s good to see you.” I say in my doctor voice. I had such a crush on her in high school, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She was always with Liam Westbury even though she could do so much better than him.
    “Josie,” she replies. I nod, remembering that she didn’t like anyone to use her first name.
    “You have a son?” I don’t mean for my words to come out as a question, but I’m shocked. I look at the file and see his name is Preston and not Westbury. My brow furrows, but I can’t ask her the question on my mind.
    “I do and he’s sick and I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” She breaks down in tears. I get up and take the baby from her arms and lay him down on the table. He screams louder and tugs at his ear.
    I look into his offending ear with my otoscope and see the irritation. I move my hands over his neck, shoulders and stomach feeling for any other issues to determine if we are working strictly with an ear infection or something else.
    “I’ll be right back,” I say, leaving her and the baby in the room.
    “I need a dose of amoxicillin and Motrin for the Preston boy.”
    “Yes, Dr. Ashford.” I fill out the necessary script for his prescription when my nurse returns with a dropper of amoxicillin and one from the Motrin. I take them back to the room and find Josie cradling her son. My heart breaks for her and her boy.
    I administer his meds, not something I usually do, but I’m not done