My Man Jeeves

vividly, don't you know, that, by George, it gave me quite a choky feeling in my throat.
    Freddie, dear old chap, was rather slow at getting on to the fine points of the idea. When I appeared, carrying the kid, and dumped him down in our sitting–room, he didn't absolutely effervesce with joy, if you know what I mean. The kid had started to bellow by this time, and poor old Freddie seemed to find it rather trying.
    "Stop it!" he said. "Do you think nobody's got any troubles except you? What the deuce is all this, Reggie?"
    The kid came back at him with a yell that made the window rattle. I raced to the kitchen and fetched a jar of honey. It was the right stuff. The kid stopped bellowing and began to smear his face with the stuff.
    "Well?" said Freddie, when silence had set in. I explained the idea. After a while it began to strike him.
    "You're not such a fool as you look, sometimes, Reggie," he said handsomely. "I'm bound to say this seems pretty good."
    And he disentangled the kid from the honey–jar and took him out, to scour the beach for Angela.
    I don't know when I've felt so happy. I was so fond of dear old Freddie that to know that he was soon going to be his old bright self again made me feel as if somebody had left me about a million pounds. I was leaning back in a chair on the veranda, smoking peacefully, when down the road I saw the old boy returning, and, by George, the kid was still with him. And Freddie looked as if he hadn't a friend in the world.
    "Hello!" I said. "Couldn't you find her?"
    "Yes, I found her," he replied, with one of those bitter, hollow laughs.
    "Well, then——?"
    Freddie sank into a chair and groaned.
    "This isn't her cousin, you idiot!" he said.
    "He's no relation at all. He's just a kid she happened to meet on the beach. She had never seen him before in her life."
    "What! Who is he, then?"
    "I don't know. Oh, Lord, I've had a time! Thank goodness you'll probably spend the next few years of your life in Dartmoor for kidnapping. That's my only consolation. I'll come and jeer at you through the bars."
    "Tell me all, old boy," I said.
    It took him a good long time to tell the story, for he broke off in the middle of nearly every sentence to call me names, but I gathered gradually what had happened. She had listened like an iceberg while he told the story he had prepared, and then—well, she didn't actually call him a liar, but she gave him to understand in a general sort of way that if he and Dr. Cook ever happened to meet, and started swapping stories, it would be about the biggest duel on record. And then he had crawled away with the kid, licked to a splinter.
    "And mind, this is your affair," he concluded. "I'm not mixed up in it at all. If you want to escape your sentence, you'd better go and find the kid's parents and return him before the police come for you."
    * * * * *
    By Jove, you know, till I started to tramp the place with this infernal kid, I never had a notion it would have been so deuced difficult to restore a child to its anxious parents. It's a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught. I searched Marvis Bay like a bloodhound, but nobody came forward to claim the infant. You'd have thought, from the lack of interest in him, that he was stopping there all by himself in a cottage of his own. It wasn't till, by an inspiration, I thought to ask the sweet–stall man that I found out that his name was Medwin, and that his parents lived at a place called Ocean Rest, in Beach Road.
    I shot off there like an arrow and knocked at the door. Nobody answered. I knocked again. I could hear movements inside, but nobody came. I was just going to get to work on that knocker in such a way that the idea would filter through into these people's heads that I wasn't standing there just for the fun of the thing, when a voice from somewhere above shouted, "Hi!"
    I looked up and saw a round, pink face, with grey whiskers east and west of it, staring down from an upper window.
    "Hi!" it shouted again.
    "What the deuce do you mean by 'Hi'?" I said.
    "You can't come in," said the face. "Hello, is that Tootles?"
    "My name is not Tootles, and I don't want to come in," I said. "Are you Mr. Medwin? I've brought back your son."
    "I see him. Peep–bo, Tootles! Dadda can see 'oo!"
    The face disappeared with a jerk. I could hear voices. The face reappeared.
    "Hi!"
    I churned the gravel madly.
    "Do you live here?" said the face.
    "I'm staying here for a few weeks."
    "What's your