My Secret Lover

created a new liqueur coffee!
     
    How to make a Caribbean coffee:
     
    1. Make a mug of black coffee
    2. Add a good slug of Malibu
    3. Float cream on top if you have
any.
     
    Unfortunately, I don’t. But it tastes
all right without, especially after Chinese. Actually, I’m surprised Chinese
restaurants don’t pay more attention to the desserts. It’s always lychees or
banana in batter. If they did Caribbean coffee instead of those orange wedges
which are refreshing but difficult to extract from between your teeth, they’d
be onto a real money-spinner. I might suggest it to Edwin next time.
     
    Is Malibu actually in the Caribbean?
    Think it’s actually in Los Angeles, so better call it Californian Coffee. Which sounds healthy and sunshiny and
not very alcoholic, although Americans tend not to be very keen on caffeine.
     
    Oops! I remember telling one of the
Suburban Martyrs that I had a bottle of Malibu for their next tombola as a
gesture of goodwill when none of the dates proposed for the PTA meeting suited
me.
    Have to buy another one anyway, so
doesn’t matter if I drink a little more, but just half a mug this time.
     
    What’s a respectable length of time
for a New Year’s Resolution? Probably forty days, which I’ve almost managed. Or
is that Lent? Logically, New Year must officially be over by Lent because
you’ve got to find something else to give up then.
    Not that Andy actually appears
particularly bothered.
    Probably suspects I’ve broken it.
    Oh ye of little faith!
    Or he’s trying to lull me into a
false sense of security, like he did with the swear box. Then presented me with
a bill for £14.20.
     
    Am I an alcoholic? Did I drive home
from Andy’s because I had a subconscious desire to drink my bottle of Malibu?
    Not that I’m going to drink the whole
bottle.
    It only looks quite a long way down
because the neck bit of the bottle is thinner.
    I can’t be, because otherwise I would
have drunk it before.
     
    Anyway, we all need to relax once in
a while. It’s lovely just lying here on my nice Laura Ashley sofa, in my
knocked-through living room with my Jeff Banks’ carpet that looks like sisal
but is much easier on bare feet, and the stencilled dado rail I did myself.
Only one wall. It’s not as easy as it looks on Changing Rooms.
     
    In Malibu veritas! Or is it in Malibo ? I’ve
forgotten almost all of my O level Latin.
    Eureka !
    Which is Greek I think.
    The answer to my existential dilemma
actually is nothing to do with whether I can stand to be married to Andy for
the rest of my life, it’s about being worried about giving up my nice home! I
feel secure here. I know where the floor creaks in the bathroom.
    But — here’s a thought — what if Andy
were to cash in all his paper? Perhaps we could afford to buy another place
altogether, and I could keep this place as a second home? A huge percentage of
people our age have them now, although Joanna’s got three, which makes a
difference to the statistics.
     
    Caribbean Coffee would probably have
Bacardi in it, which I don’t think would work.
    Anyway, haven’t got any Bacardi.
    Actually, Malibu has Bacardi in it.
Never read the label before. So is it in California or Jamaica?
    Very confusing.
     
    How about Malibu for our honeymoon? California or Jamaica. Doesn’t matter to me. Or one week in Malibu, one week in the
Rockies, or the Grand Canyon, if we have to compromise.
    Where is Las Vegas anyway? We could
try gambling. With a strictly limited amount of cash. Have to leave our credit
cards behind although I’m usually lucky the first time I play a game.
    I could be a mascot for some rich
bloke who’s shooting craps. Can it really be as simple as throwing a seven?
    He might offer Andy a million dollars
to sleep with me!
     
    My mouse glides over:
    Bush: Axis of Evil
    and clicks on:
    The Bottom Line
     
    She's got the most talked about
derriere in the world and there's plenty of speculation about how she's
achieved it...
     
    Why am I sitting at my computer?
    How did I get here?
     
    Mmmm. Malibu Coffee. That’s the best
name for it. Why didn’t I think of that before?
     
    There are no new messages in my
Inbox.
     
    Click on COMPOSE.
     
    Dear Andy,
     
    Here's a quiz for you.
     
    If Robert Redford offered you a
million dollars to sleep with me would you:
    a) take the money and disappear?
    b) share the money with me?
    c) refuse?
     
    My anxieties about our forthcoming
rather depend on you furnishing a response to