Never a Hero

me into his warmth.
    I decided to stop worrying about what I meant to him and just enjoy it, whatever it was. I leaned into him, feeling more content than I had in ages.
    We were ten yards away when the door to Ink Springs opened and Seth called after us, “I see that, Nick! Double discount if you do the hearts!”

    By the time we made it back to the clinic, my smile felt like a permanent part of my face. Paul had handed out all of his candy and was back to distributing Nick’s pencils.
    “This trick-or-treat thing only goes another hour,” he said to us before he left. “You should come down to Tucker Pawn afterward. A few of the guys are stopping by.”
    It wasn’t until he was locking the front door of his clinic that Nick asked, “Do you want to go? I know you’re not crazy about that kind of thing.”
    I didn’t want to. Not really. I pictured a raging party, plastic cups full of beer, people playing drinking games. And me, standing alone on the outskirts. But I also felt like he wanted me to say yes, and I wanted him to be pleased with me.
    “Maybe.”
    He smiled. “I’ll make you a deal. We’ll drop by there and say hello, but the minute you want to leave, we will. I promise.”
    As soon as we walked into Tucker Pawn, I realized how ridiculous my assumptions had been. This wasn’t college and these weren’t frat boys. They were adult men, not doing keg stands or acting stupid, but just hanging out and talking, sitting on a sagging couch and a few teetering barstools. There was a lot of laughter, but this gathering was more about stealing an hour or two of adult camaraderie than getting shit-faced.
    Nick introduced me around the room. There was Paul, who I already knew, and his partner, El, who owned the pawn shop. There was El’s friend Denver—who I immediately recognized as The Hero from Regina’s moving crew—and his boyfriend Adam, who seemed almost as shy as me. The third couple in the room were Jason, who apparently owned a night club that wasn’t open yet, being so early in the evening, and his partner Michael. The group was rounded out with one single man, Nathan.
    I took off my jacket and did my best not to be self-conscious about my bare amputated arm, hanging from my Superman sleeve. I looked around, trying to figure out if there was any way for me to fit in with this group. Denver and El were making more noise than anybody, and I stayed away from them rather than risk attracting their attention, not because they seemed mean but because I knew I’d never be able to keep up with their conversation. I found an empty stool and perched on it.
    “We can leave right now if you want,” Nick said to me.
    “I’m fine.” I wasn’t sure if it was true or not. Nick left to find the bathroom and I sat there by myself, feeling nervous and ignored until Adam brought me a drink.
    “I’m not really the partying type either,” he said quietly.
    I laughed, more out of nervous energy than actual humor. “Is it that obvious?”
    He smiled. “Like recognizes like, you know what I mean?” He looked around the room. “Sometimes they still make me nervous too, but they’re all nice, I swear.”
    Only a few words, but I did feel better knowing I wasn’t the only introvert in the room. I began to relax by degrees. It didn’t hurt that Jason and Adam kept handing me shots. Michael, Paul, and Nick began discussing the plausibility of veterinary acupuncture, and I found myself suddenly sitting with Nathan.
    He was young and cute, in a twink kind of way. I had to wonder if he was more than nineteen years old, although given the fact that Jason was getting him drunk too, I assumed he was at least twenty-one. His hair was blond with pink highlights, and he pulled his own stool close enough that I could make out green eyes behind his hipster frames.
    “So, what’s your part in this little group? Do you work for Jason?” I asked.
    “No. I’m Michael’s receptionist. He has an acupuncture clinic down the street.” He nodded toward Nick. “And you. You’re the man who finally landed Hacktown’s most eligible bachelor?”
    “N-n-no. We’re friends. That’s all.”
    He didn’t even blink at my stutter, but his eyes widened in pleasant surprise. “Really?” He moved closer. His eyes sparkled mischievously. “So, that means you’re single?”
    “I guess.”
    He laughed. “Then I should get you another drink.”
    “No, thanks. I think I’ve had too many already.”
    He looked down