Never a Hero

yet—but I knew we were close. I could feel it in the way he relaxed against me. In the way the tension left his shoulders. In the way the grief started to leave his voice. “What if you get sick?”
    I almost laughed. Almost. “What if I slip in the tub tomorrow and break my neck? What if I walk out the door and get hit by a bus? What if I get struck by lightning?”
    “None of those things will happen.”
    “Do you know that for a fact?”
    He was silent for a moment, but he finally said, “I suppose not.”
    “There are a lot of things that could happen, most of them completely out of our control. I’ve spent my life feeling like a victim, but not anymore. And it’s time for you to do the same thing. Stop letting yourself be a victim of the virus.”
    “Is it really that simple?”
    “I think it is. Unlike my arm and your illness, this is a choice, Nick. It’s a chance at happiness. A chance at joy. And I won’t let it slip by. I won’t go back to my cage. Not ever. I’d rather risk everything than live like that again.”
    He put his head on my chest, and I felt a shudder run through him. When he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “I’m tired of the cage, too.”
    “Then leave it behind.” I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled, forcing him to face me. His eyes were dry now, but still red. I brushed his lips with mine. “This really is our decision to make, Nick, and I choose this. I choose you.”
    He smiled, a slow, teasing smile that filled me with happiness. “Then I guess I have to choose you, too.”
    I laughed at the joy of it—of finally seeing the real Nick again, and of knowing the fight was over. I sighed with relief. “It’s about damn time.”
    “I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass.”
    “We’ve both been asses. Again . Let’s just say we’re both forgiven again, too.”
    He laughed. “Sounds good to me.” But just as quickly, he turned serious. “You were right, you know. I think I’ve been trying to punish myself.”
    “For getting sick to begin with?”
    “Yes. And no. For what it did to my family, more than anything.” He laid his head on my chest again and stroked my side. “A few months after moving to Tucker Springs, I finally broke down and looked at June’s pictures of that trip to Cancun, and I couldn’t believe how much my mom had changed. It’d only been sixteen months, but it was like she’d aged ten years in that time. And it was all because of me.”
    “But do you really think she’d want you to pay for it by being miserable for the rest of your life?”
    He laughed. “No. In fact she told me after she met you that she was glad I’d found somebody to love.” He tightened his arms around me. “I do love you, more than you’ll ever know.”
    “I love you too. But I want you to promise me you’ll stop pulling away. Promise me you’ll give us a chance.”
    He kissed my neck. My jaw. My cheek. “I promise. It never worked anyway. For all of my noble intentions, I have no willpower at all when it comes to you.”
    “Thank goodness for that, or we never would have made it this far.”
    He laughed and reached down to caress my waning erection back to life. “Now that we have that settled,” he said, “I’m ready for you to fuck me again.”
    “Already?”
    “You didn’t come before.”
    The frankness of the statement made me blush a bit. “No, but I didn’t want to be pushy.”
    “Why stop now?”
    I laughed. “Should I apologize again?”
    “No.” He kissed my neck. “The way I see it, we have eleven condoms left and five years of abstinence to make up for.”
    “Sounds like I’m in for a long day. You may have to make me breakfast first.”
    “Fair enough.” He kissed me again. “Owen?”
    “Yes.”
    “You really are my hero.”
    And you’re mine.

February
    “Come on,” Nick urged. “Let me see it!”
    I’d finally taken Seth up on his offer for a discount on my first tattoo. My upper arm still ached from the bite of the needle. I put my hand over the bandage. “He said to keep it covered for five hours.”
    “We’ll cover it back up. Just let me peek.”
    “You’ll laugh at me.”
    “So, what’s your plan? You’re going to somehow keep your arm hidden from me forever?”
    He was right, of course. I was being ridiculous. But what had seemed like a good idea when I’d gone into Ink Springs suddenly made me feel silly. Too late to turn back, though. It was now a permanent part of me.
    I