Nude Men

know why I’m so repelled by her. Well, one reason is that I hate the feeling of getting matched up. I’ve hated it all my life, ever since my mom used to make me play with the yucky little neighbor girl. My mom and her mom would sit together, look at us, and say, “Oh, it’s so cuuuute!”
    Often when I visit her, Henrietta is painting one of her models. So far I’ve seen only the beautiful models, no ordinary men like me. While Henrietta paints, her daughter, Sara, also does artwork. She sits at the coffee table and draws men’s clothes, sometimes from imagination or sometimes getting the model’s clothes from the dressing room and laying them out in front of her. She makes quick but very good sketches of the trousers, ties, shirts, and shoes, while nibbling on some of her mother’s marzipan animals.
    “I didn’t know you were also an artist,” I tell her.
    “I’m not really. I only draw men’s clothes.”
    “Why?”
    “I think they go well with my mom’s paintings.”
    I interpret this as some deep disturbance she has about her mother painting nude men. I express this opinion, in private, to Lady Henrietta, who says, “I doubt it’s a ‘deep disturbance.’ It might be a slight puzzlement. Sara feels her drawings nicely complement my paintings. I think it’s charming.”
    So I decide to ask Sara herself what she thinks: “How do you feel about your mother painting nude men?”
    “I think it’s great,” she replies. “Nudity is the most profound subject in the world.”
    “Are you bothered by it?”
    “No; on the contrary. I think I’m lucky to have such an intelligent and relaxed mother.”
    I’m not convinced. What Sara does and what she says are two different things. I would think that if she approved of her mother’s paintings, she would try to imitate her by drawing naked things, like her dolls, naked.
    Sara is always holding Barbie dolls, so finally one day I ask Lady Henrietta, “Isn’t she a little too old to play with Barbie dolls?”
    “Yes, of course,” says Lady Henrietta. “That’s why she does it. She likes to be unconventional, which is something truly admirable in a child, because at that age they are so cruel to each other. She likes to do things that will arouse her classmates’ scorn, and she confronts them with it. She’s so strong.”
    “That’s why she dresses in these very childish clothes?” (Which she does.)
    “Yes, that’s why. On top of it, she sort of likes Barbie dolls. They stimulate her imagination.”
    That’s when I decide to buy Sara a Barbie doll, to please her mother.
     
    I go to F.A.O. Schwarz, thinking they will have the biggest selection. I want to buy the best Barbie doll Lady Henrietta has ever seen. I want to impress her with my choice. I bet she has never bothered to go to F.A.O. Schwarz for a Barbie doll. I bet F.A.O. Schwarz carries Barbie dolls that are more beautiful and realistic than any she has ever seen. I can already imagine the effect that my choice will have on Lady Henrietta. I bet Sara will tell her mom that it’s the best Barbie doll and say something like: “Your new friend, the O.I.M. one, has exquisite taste.”
    I am now in the Barbie section. They do have a rather large selection. I start looking carefully at all the boxes, trying to find the most impressive one.
    I see Barbie Flight Time gift set. Pretty pilot changes into glamorous date! Wings for you. And a paper doll too.
    They have the same model in three versions: the black-skinned doll, the blond doll, and the brunette, who has a prettier expression than the other two because her mouth is closed.
    They have Barbie Wet’n Wild Surf Set. Dolls not included.
    Also Wet’n Wild Water Park. Dolls not included. The ultimate pool and super slide! “Drinking” Fountain! Spraying Jet Stream!
    I try to figure out why they put the word “drinking” in quotation marks. None of the other words are in quotation marks. It must be a typo.
    There are about a dozen more boxes, with Barbie cars, houses, workout centers, picnic sets, etc. I am a little disappointed. None of the dolls are realistic or beautiful or interesting. I feel I should give up my idea of buying Sara a Barbie doll. Maybe I should get her a Humpty Dumpty instead.
    I am about to leave, when I see that off to one side are some dolls that look like Barbie but are called Jane.
    The first Jane box I come upon is Jane does makeup, but can’t get it right, so picks up telephone to call her friend