Off Sides

Depression seems to be my mood of choice and its worrying Paula to death. She thinks I ought to confess everything to Ryan and beg him to take me back.
    God, I so want to do that but I can’t risk Ryan’s mother retaliating against him. This is so fucked up.
    Lying on my bed now, I stare over at the violin Ryan gave me. I laid it on my desk the day we broke up and I haven’t picked it up since. I have no desire to and I’m worried that my love of music has been irrevocably broken.
    The memory of the last time I played—for Ryan—is bitterly painful to me. The thoughtfulness of his gesture in getting me a violin to the look of rapture on his face when I had played for him were some of the best moments of my life and I’m pissed as hell that those are gone. Those memories are tainted now by the grief over what I’ve lost.
    Without Ryan in my life, my desire to make music is non-existent. It’s just hard for me to imagine picking the violin back up again.
    ***
    I suppose I’ve done something to warrant the evil forces of nature targeting me with their cruel games. For the past week, Angeline and her friends have been coming to Sally’s with nothing more than the sole purpose of torturing me.
    As I wait on them, I hear crude snippets of conversation meant to hurt or humiliate me. I try to let it go in one ear and out the other, but it’s not easy.
    Just last night, as I refilled everyone’s water glasses at her table, Angeline “accidentally” knocked her bowl of soup to the floor. I say “accidentally” with as much sarcasm as I can muster because in all actuality, I watched her literally slide the bowl to the edge of the table and then wait until I was within reach before she pushed it all the way over.
    As I was bending over to wipe up the mess, I heard one of her cronies say, “I heard that was the position she was in when Ryan caught her and Reece Malone going at it in Ryan’s bed.”
    I stood up and faced the table, my face red with anger that they would try to humiliate me with the fact I was nearly raped. And they were trying to make it sound like I was consensually with Reece. I looked around at their faces, and they were all smiling innocently at me. All except for Cameron. I noted she looked at me with sympathy.
    I walked up and towered over Angeline. “That’s a lie, Angeline and you know it. Reece Malone tried to rape me.” I was seething inside.
    “Oh, come on, Danny. Everyone here knows you were fucking Reece behind Ryan’s back. It’s the reason Ryan broke up with you. Everyone on campus is talking about it.”
    “No thanks to the vicious lies I’m sure you’re spreading.”
    Angeline wasn’t fazed at all. She gave a tinkling laugh and then her eyes turned hard. “Who do you think they’ll believe...me or you?”
    I turned my attention back to everyone at the table. “I suggest you all check your facts. Reece Malone is in jail for attempted rape.”
    “Well, of course he is silly,” Angeline said. “We all know you claimed it was rape so Ryan wouldn’t know you were screwing around on him.”
    Tears welled up in my eyes and Angeline’s look was triumphant that she was able to break me. I heard a loud scraping sound and looked down the table. Cameron stood up abruptly. Grabbing her purse, she gave a disgusted look at Angeline and walked out of the diner.
    I turned my back on the table and fled back into the kitchen. I talked another waitress into finishing my tables and left for the night.
    And here I am for apparently another brutal shift. Angeline and her friends—minus Cameron—have all walked in together. They arrange themselves around two tables. There is no doubt this is a repetitive effort on her part to torment me because she never hung out in here that much prior to me meeting Ryan.
    Unfortunately, I am the only one working tonight because it’s a Wednesday and we are always slow in the middle of the week. I grab seven iced waters and carry them to the tables, setting them down in front of each girl.
    “Do you guys know what you want,” I ask.
    “Hmmm...” Angeline says, perusing the menu. “I’m not sure. Of course, I’m not very hungry after the wonderful lunch I had with Ryan today. We followed it up with dessert in his room.”
    I will not punch this girl, I will not punch this girl.
    Angeline puts a look of mock apology on her face. “Oh, I’m sorry Danny. I guess that was insensitive, mentioning intimate details about Ryan to you.” She