On an Edge of Glass

beginning. 
                  The way that he’s looking at me is so open and naked that I chicken out and drop my eyes.  I stare at my hands crossed over my jeans—thumbs hooked over wrists.  My mind starts to careen out of control.  Maybe he’s going to kiss me.   Maybe this is a bad idea.  Maybe I’m getting in over my head.  Maybe—             
    As if he can hear my racing thoughts, Ben moves.  His hand comes up and he cups my cheek, tipping my chin up until I’m forced to look directly at him.  His face is so serious that I think he really is about to kiss me. 
    I’m wrong. 
    Ben stays on his side of the center console.  His fingers move down the side of my face.  He pushes them back until his hand is circling the nape of my neck.  He’s holding my gaze with his wide eyes and biting his bottom lip gently. 
    I ’m petrified of the way that my heart responds.  It literally skips a beat.  And I marvel that all of this hugeness can fit in one car.  In one body.  In one hungry look.
                  “I like you,” he says quietly and it sounds almost like a question.  “I like you, Ellie,” he repeats—this time sounding surer.   
                  I let the edges of my mouth creep up.  I’m relieved and maybe a little confused. 
    “ I like you too,” I say back and I think we’re both sort of surprised by my honesty.
    E verything good about the world is amplified for about twenty-five more seconds.  My heart balloons.  It expands or blossoms or whatever.  The feeling is unreal.  It’s fierce and not just a little scary.  Is this what people have been talking about?  Is this crazy, earth-bending sensation what Shakespeare and Rosetti and all of my favorites were writing about?
    My smile gets wider.
    I t’s like creating something from nothing.   
    Until it all goes to hell.
                  Because of her.

CHAPTER FIVE
    Halting Abruptly
     
     
    The girl is waiting on the porch.
                  As soon as we get out of the car, we both see her standing under the dim light, her body haloed against the cool night.  I don’t know who she is and I’m about to throw a, “hi, can I help you?” at her when I catch the expression on Ben’s face. 
    He does n’t need to tell me anything.  It’s all there without the words.  The grim set of his jaw, frowning forehead, and pinched lips practically shout the story. 
    The ex.
    Crap.
    A million oh nos scream inside my head.
    A n icy, finger-numbing chill sneaks in around my heart.  I’m hoping that my feet keep moving properly so that I don’t fall over right here in the driveway.
                  The girl is gorgeous. 
    I do n’t want her to be, but there is no denying it.  She’s all big boobs, tiny waist, and intense sex appeal.  If I’m being honest, she’s the complete opposite of me.  They were together for years.  So, this is what he likes, I think as I take in her propped-up cleavage and red-stained lips. 
    Her hair i s long and so dark that it’s on the verge of black.  She wears it loose, dripping over her shoulders and snaking down to the dip of her lower back.  A handful of tiny braids sweep away from her forehead and are pinned behind her right ear.  Her skin is an exotic deep golden brown that sets off her unusually wide, light eyes. 
    She’s paired an insanely short skirt with a cropped black shirt that rides up when she shifts, exposing her pierced naval.  A stack of silver bracelets climbs up her naked arm.  They make clinking sounds as she descends the porch steps and walks in our direction.
                  I wonder vaguely if she’s freezing her butt off.  She looks it.  Freezing and like a fucking rock star sex siren.
    I, for one, have never felt so dull and unattractive in my life.  It unhinges me.  I wobble.  My knees feel loose, like they might not want to hold me up much longer. 
                  “Lily, what are you doing here?”  Ben asks tightly.  His shoulders are ramrod straight and his chin is lifted in a challenge.  
                  Lily
                  Even her name is pretty.  I realize that I was hoping that he’d call her Henrietta or Gertrude or something equally awful so that I could at least make it sound nasty inside my head.  I can’t do much damage with a name like Lily. 
                  Lily pauses in