On an Edge of Glass

as she pulls onto our street.  “What about you Els?  You haven’t dated anyone since what’s-his-face in August.”
                  “Hey!  What’s-his-face was cute!”  I purse my lips, trying to quell the uncomfortable feeling rising up from inside of me.  I hate not being honest with her.  “Ainsley, I’m just too busy for guys right now.  The LSAT is in two days.”  The lie tastes like ash in my mouth.
                  She frowns.  “Just promise me that when that stupid test is behind us you’ll have a little fun for a change.  I’d like to see you happy,” she says as she parks the car.             
    I prepare to fake a promise.  My fingers are figuratively crisscrossed behind my back, but Ainsley distracts me by slapping her hand over her mouth.  Her eyes widen and her gaze zeroes in over my shoulder. 
    “Speaking of fun,” she coos.  “Looks like our roomie is having some of his own.”
                  I turn in my seat and see Ben and some girl standing in the doorway of the house.  Wait… not some girl.  It’s the hostess from the awful lunch with my dad. I think he said that her name is Julie. 
    She’s got her absurdly long reddish hair in that same side braid that someh ow manages to be casual and elegant all at once.  I hate side braids.  And I hate the way that Julie’s giggling with her head angled flirtatiously to the side.  I hate that the afternoon sun is glinting off her, making her all golden and glowing.  I hate that amazing brown coat that she’s wearing.  I especially hate that I want to ask her where she got it.
    I shudder.  It’s like my heart’s been kicked down twenty-seven flights of stairs.  Everything that Mark said to me earlier comes crashing back into focus.
    Fumbling with my jacket and scarf, I take an extra long time to get out of the car so that I’m partly shielded by Ainsley.  If only Ainsley were a teeny bit taller, I wouldn’t have to worry that my face is a cornucopia of spotty emotions—none of which I want Ben or Julie to be clued in to. 
    “Hi there! ”  Ainsley calls out in her tinkling voice.
    “Hey!”  Ben bounds down the porch steps toward us.  The introductions commence. 
    I’m fiddling and trying really hard to seem interested in the zipper of my purse.  I look up only once and meet Ben’s eyes head on.  There’s a question there that I can’t interpret.  He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something to me, but then Julie is talking.  She touches his arm lightly and I want to karate chop her into a million bazillion tiny pieces.
    I inhale and close my eyes.  Even I can’t believe how juvenile I’m being.  We made no promises to one another.  Ben can spend time with whomever he likes—even if that person is a beautiful hostess who is currently staring at him soulfully and playing with the sleeve of his shirt.
    It’s me , not Ben Hamilton, who needs to get things in check.  I think it’s time that I remove myself from the situation before I do something incredibly stupid.  I clear my throat and push sideways through the open doorway. 
    As I go , I say in a prickly voice that doesn’t even sound like mine, “You guys are letting all of the heat out.”

CHAPTER TEN
    Flowers and Fairytales for M’Lady
     
     
    Mark would tell me that there’s only so much studying you can do for one test and that at some point you either know the material or you don’t.  My mother would disagree.  She’s been sending me a never-ending deluge of LSAT practice books and quizzes for the past eight months. 
                  I’m on the floor of my room, leaning against the foot of the bed.  There’s a slew of open workbooks spread out on the floor in front on me.  I sigh.  I’ve got less than forty-eight hours to go. 
    Picking up a pen, I force the afternoon boy drama from my head.  I really need to be serious about this test considering that it’s my entire future. 
                  “Ellie!”  Payton is knocking on my door.  She pops her head in before I can respond.  “We’re going to order Chinese for dinner.  Want your usual chicken and veggies?”
                  I barely look up.  “Nah, I’m good.  I had a bagel and cream cheese a little while ago.”
                  “Suit yourself,” she says as she walks away leaving my bedroom door half-open.