On an Edge of Glass

embarrassing vigor. 
    Ben blinks above me.  “ Yeah, sort of like indentured servitude.”  He angles one eyebrow playfully.  “Do you have a problem with that, Ellie?  Because if so, there’s a process that you can go through to lodge a formal complaint against the administration.”
                  “Me?”  I shift so that our torsos are pressed together and I can feel his warm bare skin against mine.  “I don’t think I’m in any position to complain.”
                  “Oh God,” Ben says, and his voice is weightless—floating all around me like air. 
    He finds my wrists and brings them up so that they’re pinned over my head. I stretch out my body, rolling my back against the bed.  When I arch my neck, his lips meet skin and my blood boils over. 
    Moments later he whispers into my mouth, “Sometimes I think that you could make me forget the entire world.”
     
     
    “I just don’t get this thing,” Mark is saying.  He’s sitting across from me with a quizzical look on his face.  His elbow is braced on the armrest of the chair he’s sitting in, and his head is resting on his hand.
                  My pulse crackles defensively. 
    “I don’t know what’s to get,” I respond, my voice coming out harder than I intend.  A man working on his laptop at the table next to ours glances over.  “Ben and I are having fun.  For once in my life I’m enjoying myself and I’m not worrying about what it all means or where it’s headed.  You, of all people, are going to judge that?”
                  Mark’s head jerks back and his bottom jaw drops a few inches.  “Jesus Ellie.  That’s not at all what I meant, and you know it.”  He waves his hands in the air.  “I’m simply pondering how this whole situation is going to play out.  You and Ben have been secretly going at it for about two weeks, yet you claim that you haven’t had sex with him.”
                  “Oh, what?  First I’m slutty.  Then I’m not slutty enough?”
                  “Don’t be obtuse!”  Mark’s chin juts forward.  “Even if you were sleeping with Ben, I wouldn’t call you a slut.  I’m just curious as to the why you’re not having sex with him.”
                  I laugh and roll my eyes.  “I know this is probably a foreign concept to you, but we haven’t had sex yet because we both have standards.”  Because Ben keeps stopping things just before we get to that level.
                  “Okaaaay…  And, remind me why Ainsley and Payton have no idea what’s been happening between the two of you?”
                  I let go of my breath.  “Because we made a pact!  Because it’s girl code!  Because if I tell them, it’s going to be this big thing .  Neither of us is ready for that kind of pressure right now.” 
                  Mark’s stare is unwavering.  “So, what you’re saying is that you’re only breaking girl code if you tell your roommates about it?  Just going back on your promise is alright?  Okay then.  Thanks for clearing that little detail up for me.”
                  “Ugh!” I put my face in my hands.
                  “Oh Ellie-bear,” Mark sighs.  “You’ve clearly developed feelings for this guy but you haven’t even been on an actual date with him.” He lifts a hand to stop me before I can talk.  “And if you call that tragic lunch with your dad a date, then you need to seriously reevaluate things…”
    “I-I…”  My voice wobbles.   
    “Look, I’m just saying that the two of you hunker up in a bedroom and play around, but it’s not real .  It’s limbo.  It’s a make-believe relationship.  You barely know any of his friends and he barely knows any of yours…”
                  “Mark, you’re my friend.  Ben knows you.”
                  Mark’s eyebrows pull together.  “Yeah, and I’ve talked to the guy for all of five minutes.  I’m serious Ellie.  What’s the destination for this?”
                  I shake my head miserably.  “I don’t know.  Maybe there doesn’t have to be one.  We’re just… we’re just enjoying this.” 
                  “Have you considered the fact that Ben might be enjoying you as well as many other women?  Have you at least had the exclusivity