On an Edge of Glass

Payton and Ainsley about us.  Us.  He used that word specifically and I got stuck on it and this weird feeling started rolling around my stomach.  It’s the same feeling that’s creeping back right now.
                  Payton’s smile overtakes her face.  “ And , you have officially redeemed yourself, Ben.  Getting to see Nick play will be worth the wait.”  She closes her eyes.  “Ahhhh!  Drummers are so insanely hot.”
                  Ainsley laughs.  Her first coat is done so it’s my turn.  Obediently, I spread my fingers for Mark.
                  “Speaking of love lives,” Ainsley starts.  Her round, blue eyes find mine as she blows delicately on her nails.  “Ellie, now that you don’t have the LSAT as an excuse, we need to vamp up your completely non-existent one.”
                  I groan.  This conversation could not have taken a worse turn.  “Seriously you guys, I do not need your input on this.  Really .”
                  Mark clucks and Payton sits up, brushing aside her bangs.  “Oh, but I think you do,” she says hotly.  “The last guy you dated was total deadweight and he lasted all of five minutes.  He probably never even got a chance to figure out if you wear a thong or bikini briefs.”
    I die.  I mean it.  I die .  My face ignites like it’s been splashed with molten lava.
    I know that Ben and Mark are watching me closely but Payton and Ainsley are distracted by the conversation that they’re still in the middle of. 
    Ainsley asks, “Isn’t there someone in one of your classes that you have a thing for?”
    “ Forget that,” Payton interjects, shooting an inscrutable look at Ainsley.  “We should get you all decked out and hit a club on Thursday night.  You can borrow something of mine.  Preferably a skirt.”
                  I’m supposed to go see a movie with Ben on Thursday night. 
    Giving Mark my other hand, I deliberately keep my eyes down.  “You’re at least two inches shorter than me, Payton. Anything that belongs to you would ride up my ass.”
                  She waves her hands in the air.  “The more skin the better as far as I’m concerned.” 
    “Of course that’s what you think,” Mark interjects.
    Payton ignores him.  She narrows her eyes at Ben.  “You know… Ben, maybe you should set her up with one of your hot musician friends.”  She pauses.  “Just as long as it’s not Nick.  He’s all mine.”
                  My heart is thumping.  I’m starting to feel sick.
    “ Really , Payton?” I try to sound disgusted.
                  Discreetly, I steal a glance at Ben.  His eyebrows are practically touching his hairline. 
    “Well, if you have someone s pecial in mind,” she says gamely.  “Please feel free to say something.”
    “It’s not that.”  I shake my head.  “There’s no one special.   I just don’t want to be set up with one of Ben’s scrungy, tattooed musician friends, okay?”
    Payton glances between me and Ben.  “Huh.”
    “ I bet Brandon knows someone…”  Ainsley chimes in.
                  “You mean, Brandon the Ken doll?” Payton asks dryly.
                  Ainsley’s forehead puckers, and the corners of her mouth slump.  “Hey!  I like him a lot and you’ve only met him one time.  Give the guy some slack!  Just because he was wearing pants that you didn’t approve of doesn’t mean that you can bash him.  He’s a really sweet person.”
                  “Ainsley, there is no redemption after pleated pants.”
                  Mark nods once.  “Amen, sister!”
                  And they’re off.  But, I’m not listening.  I’m watching the look on Ben’s face—the doubt that’s molding the corners of his mouth and bleeding into his eyes—and I’m wishing that it wasn’t me that put it there.
     
     
    When I open my eyes , my room is black.  The neon blue display on my digital alarm clock says that it’s after two in the morning.  For a few seconds, as the remnants of my dreams absorb and sleep slides away from me, I don’t understand why I’m awake.  Then I feel the familiar weight of a leg against mine. 
                  Ben’s still wearing his clothes—even his shoes—and I wonder how he could have fallen asleep like that.  He must have come into my room