On an Edge of Glass

to your face.  And good God, don’t even get me started on your muscular abs.  Gross.” 
                  He ducks his head so that his hair falls forward and blocks his face, but I hear him chuckle. 
    “You ’re not so great yourself,” he says with a wink.
    “Why thank you.  I value your opinion.”
    He laughs some more.  “You know, the guys have been talking about getting someone to take some professional photos while we play,” he says.
                  “I’m not a professional.”
                  “No, Ellie, but you’re really good.”  He positions the bow to his cello.  “Maybe you can take some pictures on Friday night.”
                  “Friday?”
                  His shoulders drop and his expression changes to one of disappointment.  “The show at The Hill?  I thought you said that you were coming.”
                  My heart stutters.  “Oh, right.  I’m still coming.  I haven’t forgotten.”
                  “Good… because I really want you to be there, Ellie.  You can meet the other guys in the band and get to know that part of my life.  It’s important to me.”  He sighs and slides the bow across the strings so that they make a low groaning sound.  “But if we’re not on the same page, just tell me now.  I don’t think I can…”  His voice fades away.  “Not after what happened with Lily and Drew.  It’ll be too hard.”
                  Everything about this conversation has changed in the past ten seconds and I’m not really sure how that happened.  It feels like a thousand tiny bugs are scurrying around in my stomach. 
    “We’re on the s ame page,” I say finally.  “We’re on the same word.” 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
    A Long Way Down
     
     
    “What are you wearing?” Payton asks.  She slips a tight black sweater over her lace bra, adjusting first her right breast, then the left one.  Clearly she’s expecting tonight to turn into something special. 
                  “Is this vampy look for Nick?”   
                  Payton shrugs.  “Oh, will he be at the show tonight?”
                  I giggle.  “He is the drummer…”
                  She feigns surprise, clasping her right hand over her chest.  “Oh, that’s right! Silly me.  I completely forgot.”
                  I throw a pillow at her.  She turns to the jewelry holder on top of her dresser and starts to slip a multitude of rings onto her fingers.   
                  I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling of her bedroom.  Payton’s got a bunch of those glow-in-the-dark plastic stars splattered up there directly over the bed.  They remind me of the planetarium, which of course gets me thinking about Ben.  And pretty soon my mind is on a one-way track to Swoonsville.
                  “Ellie? Hello?  You in there?” 
    S ilver fingernails waggle in front of my eyes.  I blink and refocus.  Payton’s face has gone all squished-up with concern.  It’s not a look that she wears often.
                  “Uh, yeah,” I say as I sit up and shake the loose thoughts away.  “I’m just spacing out.”
                  “You’re sure everything’s okay?”
    “It’s just stress over my exams and my Columbia application,” I explain, intentionally keeping my head down. 
    When I look up, I can see that Payton’s not buying what I’m selling.  She’s got her arms bent, hands on her hips, and one eyebrow pitched sky-high.  “You seem different lately.”  It’s a statement, but she says it like a question. 
    “I told you.   I’m fine.”
                  She squints at me.  Her hazel eyes are like needles digging under my skin.  I squirm and finger the threading on the bed comforter. 
    “I don’t believe you.   I think it’s a lot more and that you’re keeping secrets” she says.
    Secrets.  My breath wobbles.  Keeping secrets about my love life from my best friends is not something that I aspired to.  It just happened due to the circumstances.  And even though I told Ben that I was going to tell Payton and Ainsley soon, now feels too soon .  I know that they’re going to feel like I betrayed them.
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    “I think you do, but if you don’t want to tell me, that’s