On an Edge of Glass

perform.
    Sometimes things don’t work out like we plan.  Like, maybe life has other things in mind. 
    “Right,” I say softly like I understand.  And maybe I do.

CHAPTER TWENTY
    Weird as Folk
     
     
    “That’s bullshit,” Mark says.
                  I sit down back into my bed pillows and sigh.  “Except that it’s not.”
                  “Oh, Ellie…”
                  Moving the phone to my other ear, I say, “It’s okay.  I just want to not think about it for awhile.  At least for this weekend.”
                  It’s an extra long weekend.  Four days in a row of no classes in honor of President’s Day.  
                  “Wait.  Are you still going to go home?”
                  I was planning to drive home this weekend, but now I’m not so sure that I want to.  My parents will want to spend the next four days discussing my alternatives and strategizing, and I’m just not ready to do that.  It’s too soon. 
    I twist my fingernails in the fabric of my sweater and glance over at the unfolded letter resting on top of my green duvet.  It’s my official rejection from Columbia.  My throat is swollen with emotion and I’m full of a new kind of disappointment.   
                  Here’s what I think: it’s one thing to know that rejection is coming, and it’s an entirely different thing when it arrives. 
    “Ellie?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Are you still there?”  Mark asks gently.
    “Yeah.   I’m here.”
    “Are you going to drive home?”
    “No, I don’t think so.  Dealing with my parents right now will be way too intense.”
    Mark makes a clucking sound.  “What about Payton and Ainsley?”
    “Payton’s on a camping trip with some of her friends, and Ainsley left for the weekend to meet Brandon’s parents.”
    “ So no one’s going to be at the house?”
    “Nope.”
    “Shit,” Mark mutters.
    Shit is right.  My friends are happy, falling in love, living life, and I’m miserable and breaking apart.
    “Do you want me to turn around and come get you?”   He asks.
    I groan.  “Don’t even think about it.   I swear if I see your face before Tuesday, I’ll slap it.”
    Mark and Hal are finally an official couple.  They’re spending the long weekend together at a cabin that Hal’s family owns.  Apparently, there’s a hot tub.  Even in my messed-up state, I’m not about to ruin a weekend that includes a hot tub for my best friend.
    “Are you sure?”  He whispers into the phone.  I can just picture him, sitting in the passenger seat of Hal’s SUV with his hand cupped over the phone.  “You know that I will.  You and I—we’re the home team.  Everyone else is playing on the guest side.”
    That makes me smile.  “Yes, I’m sure.  Now go and enjoy yourself, and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do.”  I pause.  “Or maybe I should rephrase that.  Do everything that I wouldn’t do.”
    Mark chuckles.  “ Tomorrow I’ll call and check on you, okay?”
    “Sure.”
    “Love ya, chica.”
    “You too.”
    After hanging up with Mark, I lay in my bed for a long time.  The house is eerily quiet and I wonder what it will feel like tonight when no one is here.  I realize that I’ve never slept here alone.  In fact, now my brain is moving that way, I’m not sure that I’ve slept anywhere alone.  How weird is that?  And I think I saw online that it’s supposed to storm this weekend.  Great.
    “It was a dark and stormy night,” I mumble to myself.
    “Talking to yourself?”
    I lift my head and see Ben, standing the doorway to my bedroom.  He’s got his hair pulled back and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.  There’s another bag clutched in his hand. 
    “Yeah, I guess.”  I try to shake away my funk.  “Are you headed home?”
    “I am.”  He steps closer and frown lines appear on his forehead.  “ What’s wrong Ellie?” 
    “Uh, it’s nothing,” I say.
    “I don’t believe you.”
    I squeeze my eyes hard so that the tears won’t come and hold up the letter.  I feel Ben take it from my fingers.  When he’s done reading, he sits down next to me on my bed.  I think that he’s going to feed me some line about things working out for the best, and fate, and all that crap, but he doesn’t. 
    “Well, that sucks, ” he says evenly.
    I t’s so unexpected that I choke out a laugh.  “Fuck yeah, it does.”
    Aft er