On an Edge of Glass

William and Mary.  Heart hammering, I slide my finger under the fold, less cautious this time. 
                  Congratulations!  Our Admissions Committee is pleased to inform you…
                  The postmark on the third envelope tells me that it’s from Boston University. 
                  On behalf of the Dean, faculty and students, it is my pleasure…
                  Then I pick up the envelopes from Pepperdine, and Emory, and Fordham.  I rip into all of them, my stomach knotted in anticipation and my fingers tight with excitement.  Each one is an acceptance letter.  Each one is a soft knock on the door.  Each one is a heartbeat tapped out against my breastbone.
                  Finishing the pile, I open the top drawer of my desk to look for a stray rubber band to bind the envelopes together.  You can always find those things in drawers.  Paper clips, safety pins, rubber bands.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t ever remember buying them.  They always just seem to appear out of thin air, stuffed in the far reaches of a little-used drawer. 
                  Seeking a rubber band, I stumble across something else entirely.  It takes me a second to recognize the piece of paper, and when I do, I hold onto it for a long time, my eyes lingering on the words.  And slowly, like water drizzling from a leaky faucet, a new sensation fills me. 
     
     
    I find him in the coffee shop like I knew that I wo uld.  With the weather still a bit chilly to be outdoors for long, this is his favorite Wednesday afternoon hangout spot. 
    The rich sce nt of dark roast fills my nose as I walk by a few tables to where he’s bent over, rifling through a book—probably research for that paper that he mentioned last week.
    “I need your help, and I’m so, so sorry, and you were right about everything.”  The words come out all crushed together like they’re in a mad dash to get out of my mouth.
                  Mark’s head comes up.  He pushes a stray blond curl away from his eyes.  He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with his eyes round and glassy.
                  “I—I’m sorry,” I say again, flustered, feeling the warmth gushing to my cheeks.  “And you were right about me.  About Ben.  About law school.  All of it.”
                  Mark looks at me intently for a few more seconds.  Then he says, “I like the way that you’re wearing your hair today.”  And just like that, I know that we’re okay.
                  I sit down in a chair across from him.  “I have an idea to run past you,” I say, finding a shaky smile.  “And it’s going to require your help.”
                  “I’m all yours,” Mark replies.
                  An hour later, Mark’s pushing me down the walkway toward the front door of my house.  He texted Payton and Ainsley fifteen minutes ago with a directive meet us in the living room for what he described as a summit.  Ben is at band practice and won’t be home for a few hours.     
    “You don’t think it’s a ridiculously idiotic plan?” I ask over my shoulder.
                  “I thought we went over this already.  I told you not to call it a plan .  You’re through planning for things Ellie-bear,” he says stoutly and adjusts his jacket. “And, honestly, I think that most grand romantic gestures are supposed to be that way.  They wouldn’t be grand if they weren’t at least a little bit idiotic.”
                  “Ah, great,” I say, shaking my head.  I realize that he’s just telling me the truth.  But, it’s one thing to think the truth.  It’s an entirely different thing to hear it said out loud.  “That’s just what I want to hear when I’m about to put my heart out on the line.”
                  Mark laughs, and it’s an unsteady sound that rises from deep within his chest.  “You’re the one that asked.”
                  “I did,” I say softly, brushing my fingers across the doorknob and pushing forward. 
                  Ainsley and Payton are sitting on the floor in matching positions.  Their backs are resting against the low half-wall that separates the dining room from the kitchen, and their knees are pulled up off the ground.  Neither one of them is wearing shoes.