One Perfect Summer

birds try to eat us too.’
    We make our way through pine trees and come to the cliff edge.
    ‘Don’t stand too close!’ I pull him backwards in alarm.
    ‘It’s fine!’ he insists with a grin.
    ‘Just come away from the edge.’ I’m terrified.
    ‘I am away from the edge, Alice.’
    ‘Further away!’ I feel like I’m having a panic attack.
    He does as he’s told, regarding me with apprehension.
    ‘I don’t want to lose you,’ I say. ‘I can ’ t lose you.’
    ‘You’re not going to lose me,’ he says quietly, full of concern. ‘I’m not near the edge.’
    I feel bizarrely like I’m going to cry again. It makes me feel so out of control.
    But call me psychic, psycho, or whatever you like, suddenly I just know he’s going to hurt me, and I won’t be able to stop it from happening.
    He takes my hands and squeezes them.
    ‘Sorry,’ I say, forcing a shaky laugh.
    ‘Let’s go down to the beach.’ He tries to coerce me out of my odd mood.
    ‘Sure.’ I nod quickly. He leads the way and I hope to God I’m not scaring him off with my behaviour.
    I’ve calmed down by the time we reach the steep steps to the beach. We’ve only got a couple of hours before our return boat journey. We sit against a crumbling brick wall built into the cliff.
    ‘I love it here,’ Joe says. ‘It’s magical.’
    ‘My mum should come,’ I reply. ‘She’d adore it.’
    ‘Tell her to bring your dad one weekend.’
    ‘Only if you take a sickie so we can have the house to ourselves.’
    He glances at me and abruptly looks away. A shiver goes through me and I wonder if he’s also thinking the same thing. I want to be close to him. Closer to him. As close as it is possible to get to another human being.
    My thoughts dart towards Lizzy and I feel a little sick . . .
    Lizzy and I went to an all-girls’ school and we both had this bugbear about some of the girls in our class. There was this one small group in particular – led by a girl called Pippa – who were obsessed about losing their virginity before they went to university. Pippa turned eighteen earlier this year and you should have heard her moan: ‘I can’t believe I’m eighteen and still a virgin . . .’
    Of course, Lizzy and I were – are – virgins too, so we didn’t really want to hear someone going on about how this is a bad thing. We both want to wait for someone special – and it certainly didn’t matter to us that we were going off to university without having ‘done it’. But Pippa was obsessed. She went on holiday to Ibiza at Easter and shagged some random guy. She was adamant it was special; she said she fancied the guy like mad and they’d vowed to stay in touch. But they haven’t. And it’s hard to believe that somewhere, deep inside, Pippa doesn’t regret her actions.
    I know – I just know – that Lizzy wouldn’t understand about Joe. She wouldn’t understand if I lost my virginity to him weeks before going away to supposedly start a brand-new, free and single, adult life. She’d think it was a waste. She’d think I was just like Pippa.
    I try to put my friend out of my mind.
    ‘Wouldn’t it be cool if we could stay here tonight? Not catch the boat back,’ Joe says with a smile. ‘I’d build a fire here on these rocks and we could sleep under the shelter of those ferns up the hill.’
    ‘What would you cook for dinner?’ I ask, getting into this idea.
    ‘Chicken?’ he suggests and we both laugh.
    ‘I would love to stay here with you,’ I say quietly after a while. He puts his hand on my waist. My body tingles with anticipation as he slides it upwards. I put my hand inside his T-shirt and he draws a sharp intake of breath. I pull him closer, wanting him to be so much closer.
    The sound of a squealing child makes us break apart. The family from the boat are walking along the sand nearby. The mother gives us a disapproving look and I feel my face heat up as I take my hand away from Joe’s chest. He smiles at me, awkwardly.
    ‘Shall we go?’
    I nod, still blushing.
    ‘Let’s see if we can find a red squirrel.’ He tries to project some enthusiasm into his voice, but it does little to alleviate my embarrassment. I get up and he helps me across the rocks to the steps.
    We get back early that evening after a blissful whole day together. Dyson is deliriously excited to see Joe.
    ‘Was he okay?’ he asks my mum.
    ‘Good as gold,’ she replies. ‘I haven’t fed him any dinner yet, so he might be