Pictures of Lily

when I do, his anger has been replaced with sorrow. I hold out my hand to him and he takes it. I throw my arms around his stiff body and cry into his shoulder, but he’s silent.
    Eventually my sobs subside and I pull away to look up at him. His face is dead. He’s staring ahead in a daze. We’re still standing in the hall, the shredded pieces of my photo scattered at our feet.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I say again.
    ‘Are you leaving me?’
    ‘I don’t know.’
    Emotion fills his eyes as he stares at me. ‘You might leave me over this?’ I can see now that he didn’t quite understand that it was that serious. He tears his eyes away from mine and sighs deeply. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.’
    ‘I never meant to hurt you.’
    ‘You’re going to leave me over this?’ he asks again, looking at me with incredulity.
    ‘I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do.’
    ‘Well, you’d better make up your fucking mind.’ He’s bitter again now, and I can hardly blame him. I try to take his hand, but he snatches it away. ‘I can’t be here with you.’
    I watch as he takes the keys to his truck from the bowl on the kitchen counter and walks out of the door, slamming it behind him. I know he needs some space and I have no right to take that away from him, but it doesn’t stop me from ringing his mobile time and time again. He lets it ring to start with, but answers on my fifth try.
    ‘Where are you?’ I ask.
    ‘Nathan and Lucy’s.’
    ‘Have you told them everything?’
    ‘Pretty much.’
    They must think I’m such a bitch.
    ‘Are you okay?’ I ask.
    ‘No.’
    ‘Please come home.’
    ‘I’m going to crash here tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I say again, but he ends the call.
    I cry myself to sleep that night. In the morning my eyes are so red and puffy that I can barely open them. I want to call in sick, but Ben’s words keep ringing in my head.
    ‘You can’t mess this up.’
    I put on my make-up in a trance and go into work early. Nicola is on reception when I arrive.
    ‘How are you?’ she asks gently. I bite my lip at the concern on her face and say, ‘I’ll fill you in later. I need to get upstairs before I crumble again.’
    ‘Alright,’ she says, and I have to fight back tears at her expression. I hurry over to the lift and press the button, trying to think about something else.
    Once in the office, I put my head down and try to act professional, but it damn near kills me. I call Richard at lunchtime, but he’s at work and doesn’t want to talk to me.
    ‘Will you be home tonight?’ I can’t keep the pleading tone from my voice.
    ‘I think so,’ he replies.
    ‘I’ll see you later?’
    ‘I have to go.’ Again he ends the call.
    I don’t know how I get through the rest of the day, but at five o’clock Jonathan calls me into his office. I wonder nervously what it’s about. I thought I’d managed to do a pretty good job of keeping my head above water.
    ‘Take a seat.’
    I do as he says.
    ‘This is a bit premature because I haven’t told the team yet, but Kip, our picture assistant, is leaving.’
    Despite my predicament, my heart lifts ever so slightly.
    ‘It’s company policy to conduct interviews, but Bronte has already expressed her interest and I think she’d be the perfect candidate for the job.’
    I nod.
    ‘Which means we’ll need a new editorial assistant.’
    I hold my breath.
    ‘Keep it under your hat for now, but I hope you’ll apply. I know Debbie is coming back soon so you’ll no doubt be keeping your eyes open for something, and I’d really like to see you back here with us. On a permanent basis.’
    I can’t help but smile.
    ‘Would you like that?’ he checks.
    ‘Absolutely,’ I reply.
    ‘Good. But like I said, keep it under your hat for now.’
    ‘I won’t breathe a word.’
    Two hours later, I’m back in the real world. Richard can barely look at me as he comes through the front door. I have a sudden overwhelming desire to have things revert to normal so I can share my news with him, but there’s no going back now.
    ‘I didn’t know if you were going to come home,’ I say feebly.
    ‘Neither did I,’ he mutters.
    ‘Can we talk about this?’
    ‘Have you got anything more to tell me?’
    ‘No, I . . .’
    ‘I can’t deal with this, Lily. This whole situation is so far from anything I ever expected from you. Is this why you’ve been so funny about us getting engaged? Why you haven’t