Pictures of Lily

you ever see him again?’
    ‘I bumped into him once in London. It was after we’d moved back from Brighton. He was still married. He told me where he worked and I’ve kept tabs on him on the internet ever since. He died last year.’ I gasp. ‘Heart attack,’ she adds. ‘So now I can finally get over him.’
    A wave of understanding floods me. This is why she is the way she is. Why she’s finally able to say yes to Antonio.
    ‘Did you ever love my dad?’ I find myself asking.
    ‘Yes. In my own way. But he and I got together so quickly, and under such strange circumstances . . .’
    ‘There was never any build-up? No sparks of electricity? No meaningful eye-contact? None of the things that send shivers of anticipation down your spine and make you long for someone you
    can’t have?’ ‘Exactly.’
    ‘Richard and I never had any of that either.’
    ‘But Lily, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong for you.’
    ‘I know. If it weren’t for Ben, I’d be perfectly happy. But while there’s a chance of him being in my life, I’ll never be able to give Richard one hundred per cent. Is that fair?’
    She looks thoughtful, then shrugs. ‘That’s a question you’ll have to answer for yourself.’
    The longer I’m away from Richard, the more my head starts to clear. The next day is Saturday and it’s a cool, crisp day. I didn’t bring many clothes with me because I wasn’t sure how long I’d be away, but I did pack my new camera, still unopened in its box. I get it out now and study it.
    I spend the morning down at Bondi Beach taking photographs of everything from the surfers to seaweed. I’m experimenting, and it’s hugely liberating to be able to take as many photos as I like without worrying about the cost of developing. Most of my photos are average, but there are a few that I’m proud of, like the pile of brightly coloured beach towels with a small child running out-of-focus in the background, or the close-up of a half-destroyed sandcastle and the way the sun hits the shells that adorn it. Every time I review a shot I think of Ben and what he would say. My heart is becoming calmer.
    I return to the flat to find an unexpected visitor waiting for me. It’s Lucy.
    ‘Hello,’ I say warmly.
    ‘Hi.’ She looks uneasy as she stays seated on the sofa nursing a cup of tea. My mum switches off the telly that has obviously been entertaining them in my absence and makes herself scarce.
    ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask.
    ‘Molly was bringing Mikey in for lunch with Sam.’ Sam is a horticulturalist at the Botanic Gardens and he sometimes works weekends. ‘I hitched a ride and then borrowed Molly’s car to wing my way over here to see you.’
    ‘You should have called.’
    ‘I did. Your phone is switched off.’
    I pull it out of my bag. ‘Actually, it’s run out of battery. I forgot to pack my charger.’
    ‘I’m just going to pop down the shops,’ Mum says as she comes out of her bedroom.
    ‘Okay,’ I call over my shoulder.
    ‘Nice to meet you,’ she says to Lucy.
    ‘Now we can relax,’ I say with a smile when she’s gone, but Lucy still looks tense. ‘How are you?’ I vaguely wonder why she’s not asking me that question under the circumstances.
    ‘I’m fine,’ she replies. ‘Sorry, I know I probably shouldn’t have turned up out of the blue like this, but I felt like I had to do something. Richard doesn’t know I’m here.’
    ‘Right . . .’
    ‘Why haven’t you called him?’ she asks.
    ‘He asked me not to.’ I’m confused.
    ‘He didn’t mean it, Lily. He might’ve wanted you to take a day or so to think about it, but he never expected you to cut off contact like you have.’
    Now I’m dumbfounded.
    ‘He’s a mess,’ she continues. ‘He hasn’t been able to work. He’s only just gone home after staying with us for days. He didn’t want to be there without you. I don’t understand how you could do this.’
    Now I know why she looks so uncomfortable. She’s not here as my friend; she’s here as Richard’s.
    ‘What has he told you?’ I manage to ask.
    ‘That you had a childhood crush on an older man—’
    ‘It wasn’t a childhood crush ,’ I interrupt.
    ‘Whatever it was, now he’s rocked up in Sydney and you’re thinking of running off with him.’
    My face flushes. She makes it sound so trivial.
    ‘Lucy, you don’t know the whole story,’ I respond firmly. ‘I fell in love with Ben ten years ago and have never fallen out of love with