Pictures of Lily

in at Sam and Molly’s and leave us to it, and I encourage him. We’ve got in some champagne and a lobster for tonight so we’ll still spend some of Easter Sunday together. As I rarely get to see Josh, it’s nice to be able to have quality time alone with him.
    We walk down the hill into Manly and hop onto a green and cream ferry to the south side of the harbour. It’s a clear, sunny day, but there’s still a hefty breeze whipping my hair around my face.
    ‘It really suits you like that.’ Josh nods at my haircut.
    ‘I had it done years ago!’ I exclaim.
    ‘I know,’ he says. ‘But I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud.’
    ‘Well, thanks.’
    ‘You’re quite a babe these days.’
    ‘Josh!’
    He shrugs. ‘You are.’
    ‘Now you’re winding me up.’
    He laughs. ‘I’m not.’
    It’s funny how we can be like this with each other, but there’s absolutely no attraction there whatsoever. I love it. It’s comfortable. I notice a couple of girls staring at us enviously and instinctively want to mouth, ‘I’m not with him!’ but manage to restrain myself.
    The sailboats are out in force again and the sun is hitting the waves with the same spark of light that made me first wish I had my camera back. On impulse I get out my clunky old contraption and aim it at a sailboat which is about to criss-cross with another. I click off a shot, but don’t think it quite works.
    ‘I recognise that camera,’ Josh interrupts before I can line up another shot. ‘You used to take loads of photos when you first moved to Australia, didn’t you? Then you stopped. That dawned on me one day when you were at school, but I never remembered to ask you why.’
    I pause for a moment and stare down at the object in my hands. ‘I guess I got caught up with my new friends and forgot about my hobbies.’ I put the camera away, feeling too self-conscious to continue now. ‘Hey, do you ever bump into Tammy down the pub?’
    ‘Now and again.’
    ‘How’s Shane?’
    Josh grins. ‘He’s pretty good. I’ll tell him you asked after him. His spirits will soar and then I’ll reveal you’re getting married and they’ll crash and burn.’
    ‘Meanie.’ I slap him on his arm, good-naturedly. ‘Has he got a girlfriend now?’
    ‘No. Still pining for you,’ he says sadly.
    ‘Stop it! Shane never fancied me, really.’
    ‘Yes, he did,’ Josh says firmly. ‘But then you became friends with his little sis and Tammy would have threatened to smash up all his computer games rather than see any friend of hers hook up with her brother.’
    I laugh. ‘She was a bit like that, wasn’t she?’
    ‘Demented,’ Josh says fondly. He always did like Tammy. Not in that way, but she was feisty and never took any rubbish from him. I dare say he respected that.
    ‘Do you think I’m crazy to get married?’ I suddenly find myself asking him.
    ‘Er, no – not if Richard’s the right guy for you.’
    ‘Do you think he’s right for me?’
    He laughs. ‘What a question! I hardly know him, but you both seem pretty happy.’
    ‘We are,’ I murmur. ‘Most of the time.’
    ‘What was going on with you two last night?’ he asks. It would have been impossible to miss the fact that we were having a row.
    I sigh. ‘Oh, he was annoyed with me for not telling my colleagues about our impending nuptials .’ I say the last bit in a comedy fashion to make it sound less scary. It doesn’t work.
    ‘He’s got a point,’ Josh says thoughtfully. ‘Why hadn’t you told them? Most people wouldn’t be able to keep something like that to themselves.’
    I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I didn’t want them to make a fuss.’ Even to me I sound unconvincing. ‘Are your dad and Janine happy?’
    ‘Yeah.’
    ‘That’s good to hear.’
    ‘You know, just because things haven’t worked out for your mum, doesn’t mean they won’t work out for you,’ he says directly.
    I grin at him. ‘That’s very perceptive of you, Joshua. Richard says the exact same thing.’
    ‘Oh well, if he’s like me, why wouldn’t you want to marry him?’
    We laugh and turn away from each other, but I’m thinking that he’s wrong. And Richard is wrong, too. It’s not the concept of marriage that frightens me. It’s Ben. It’s always been Ben. I told myself I’d lost him when he left, but deep down, I don’t know if I did. What if I met him again? What if his marriage didn’t work out? What would I do then? That’s why I can’t get married. I