Point of Retreat

palm and she drops the pills in my hand and looks at me with pity. I hate pity.
     
    When I’m back inside my house, I swallow the pills and lay on the couch, wishing it all away.
     
    ***
     
     
     
     
     
    “Will.”
     
    I try to open my eyes, to make sense of the voice I’m hearing. I try to move, but my entire body feels like concrete.
     
    “Dude, wake up.”
     
    I'm discombobulated. I sit up on the couch and rub my eyes, attempting to open them…scared of the sunlight. When I finally do open them, it’s not bright at all, it’s still dark. I look around the room and see Gavin sitting on the couch across from me.
     
    “What time is it? What day is it?” I ask him.
     
    “It’s still today. Saturday. It’s after ten I think. How long have you been out?”
     
    I think about that question. It was after seven when Lake and I had basagna. After eight when I let her go. When I just let her go. I lie back on the couch and don’t answer Gavin as the scene from just two hours ago replays in my head.
     
    “You want to talk about it?” Gavin asks.
     
    I shake my head again. I really don’t want to talk about it.
     
    “Eddie’s over at Layken’s house. She seemed pretty upset. It was a little awkward so I thought I’d come hide out here. You want me to leave?”
     
    I shake my head again. “There’s basagna in the fridge if you’re hungry.”
     
    “I am, actually,” he says. He gets off the couch and walks to the kitchen. “You need something to drink?”
     
    I do. I do need a drink. I walk to the kitchen and press my hand against my forehead. My head is pounding. I reach above the refrigerator and move the boxes of cereal out of the way to get to the cabinet behind it. I pull out the bottle of tequila and grab a shot glass and pour myself a drink.
     
    “I was thinking more along the lines of a soda,” Gavin says as he sits down at the bar and watches me down a shot.
     
    “Good idea.” I open the refrigerator and pull out a soda. I grab an even bigger glass and mix the soda with the tequila. Not the best mix, but it helps it go down smoother.
     
    “Will? I’ve never seen you like this. You sure you’re okay?”
     
    I tilt my head back and finish the entire drink, then put the glass in the sink. I choose not to answer him. If I say yes, he’ll know I’m lying. If I say no, he’ll ask me why. So I just sit down next to him while he eats, and I don’t say a thing.
     
    “Eddie and I wanted to talk to you and Layken together. I guess right now that’s not going to happen, so…” Gavin’s voice trails off and he takes another bite of basagna.
     
    “Talk to us about what?”
     
    He wipes his mouth with a napkin and sighs. He brings his right arm down to the table, gripping his fork with his hand so tight that his knuckles turn white. “Eddie’s pregnant.”
     
    I don’t trust my own ears at this point. My head is still pounding and the alcohol mixed with the homemade concoction Sherry gave me is causing me to see two of Gavin.
     
    “Pregnant? How pregnant?” I ask.
     
    “Pretty damn pregnant,” he says.
     
    “Shit.” I stand up and grab the tequila off the counter and re-fill the shot glass. I normally don’t promote underage drinking, but there are occasionally times when even I push my boundaries. I place the shot in front of him and he downs it.
     
    “What’s the plan?” I ask.
     
    He walks to the living room and sits back down on the third couch. When did I get a third couch? I swipe the bottle of tequila off the counter and rub my eyes as I make my way into the living room. When I open them, there are only two couches again. I hurry up and sit down before I fall.
     
    “We don’t have a plan. The same plan, anyway. Eddie wants to keep it. It scares the shit out of me, Will. We're only nineteen. We’re not prepared for this at all. ”
     
    Unfortunately, I know exactly how he feels.
     
    “Do you want to keep it?” I ask.
     

 
    Sunday, January 21st…I think. It might still be Saturday night. Whatever. WTF ever.
     
    Lake...Lake, Lake, Lake, Lake. I’d take a mountain and then I need another drink. But I love you so much. Yeah I think I need more tequila…and more cowbell. I love you I’m so sorry. I’m not thirsty. But I’m not hungry, just thirsty. But I’m never drinking another cheeseburger again I love you so much.
     

 
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Eight
     
    Eddie’s pregnant. Gavin’s scared. I let Lake go. That’s