Purification

falling apart. It’s like they’ve been sedated with drugs that are taking months to wear off.’
    ‘That’s good then, isn’t it?’ Guest said. His mouth was dry and he swallowed hard before speaking again.
    ‘Problem solved, eh? If they’re going to be able to think and control themselves, then they’re not going to be a threat to us, are they? They’ll see it’s not a fair contest and just sit there and rot.’
    ‘Possibly,’ Michael cautiously responded, ‘but I don’t think that them being a threat to us is the issue anymore.’
    ‘What are you talking about?’
    ‘I’ve believed all along that the bodies had been driven by instinct. It’s like they’re being motivated and controlled at the most basic level. Each time there’s been a noticeable change in their behaviour, it’s as if they’ve gained another layer of self-awareness.’
    ‘I don’t understand,’ Guest complained.
    ‘Have you seen how they sometimes fight with each other?’ he asked. Various heads nodded back at him. ‘It always seems to be completely random and unprovoked and without reason, doesn’t it? But have you ever stopped and wondered why they do it? What have they got to gain from fighting? There’s no class or status or other division among them, is there? They don’t eat, they don’t want shelter, they don’t fight for food or possessions.’
    ‘So what are you saying?’ Brigid asked. ‘Why do you think they do it?’
    ‘I think their fighting is nothing to do with wanting, because they have no obvious desires. I think the only thing they’re left fighting for is survival. They’re fighting just to continue to exist. It’s self-preservation.’
    ‘I don’t buy any of this,’ Guest whined. ‘Listen to yourself, will you? Can you hear what you’re saying? Can you hear how…?’
    ‘What I’m saying,’ Michael added, unfazed by Guest’s outburst and with his voice ominously serious, ‘is that the bodies aren’t a threat to us, it’s more that they’re beginning to see us as a threat to them. And if they really are driven by instinct, then they’ll do whatever they have to do to make sure they continue to survive.’

27
    Kelly Harcourt
    I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been sitting here for almost a day now and I know that I can’t take anymore.
    I’ve listened to everything the others have said and I’ve tried to understand and see their way of thinking but I can’t.
    My perspective is different to theirs. My priorities are different to theirs. They keep trying to persuade me to stay strong and go with them but I know that there’s no point.
    Doesn’t matter what they think they might be able to do for me and Kilgore, it’s never going to happen. They’re going to have enough trouble trying to look after themselves from here on in. When it comes to the crunch they’re not going to put themselves at risk for us and I don’t blame them. It would be stupid. It would be pointless. What’s going to happen to Kilgore and me is inevitable.
    It’s the waiting that’s hurting me most.
    I’ve had my share of hard times before now. I cried my way through the first half of basic training like a bloody baby. I’ve been stuck out on the battlefield looking down the barrel of the enemy’s gun. I could handle all of that.
    Hard as it was at the time, I managed it and I got through.
    When each one of those things happened, no matter how bad it got, I dealt with it.
    The difference today is that everything’s out of my control. I can’t think or fight or negotiate my way out of this one. The end is a foregone conclusion and I’ve just been putting it off sitting here and waiting. I can’t close my eyes anymore without seeing everything that’s happened and remembering everything that I’ve lost. I haven’t slept properly for days because my head’s been filled with constant nightmares and dark thoughts, even before we came above ground. And it all seems to have come full circle now we’re sitting here at the airfield. I look at the people around me and I can see that their faces are full of more hope than ever. They can finally see a way out. The things that are stopping them from moving on now are obvious and clear, and by leaving this place they’ll be leaving those problems behind. But it doesn’t matter where I go. Location won’t change anything. It’s not the bodies that will kill me, it’s what’s in the air. It’s going to be the same whatever I do or wherever I