Right to Die

the backs of the legs from going downhill. My calves went mushy, and my feet kept tangling. My left side felt like somebody was plowing it with baling hooks.
    No functioning water stations for two miles until just below Coolidge Corner, where a guy my age and his kids braved the rain outside a majestic synagogue. They poured from Belmont Springs bottles as fast as they could, all of us thanking them. I remember the daughter saying she thought I was her five thousandth cup that day, my legs warning me not to stop for too long.
    The marker said “25” at Kenmore Square . Every joint below my waist had tossed in the towel, the bones sawing and grating against each other. The crowd chanted a single phrase. One more mile, one more mile.
    At Hereford Street we made a right toward Boylston. The first ninety-degree turn for a while, I found I had to consciously plan how to do it. An older man in front of me took the corner too fast. His hamstring snapped like a dry branch, and he went down. Several people from the crowd pushed through police barriers to aid him.
    I eased left onto Boylston Street , three hundred yards to go. The crowd was still enormous, easily two hours after the technical winners had passed. They screamed, clapped, and whistled, most of us summoning a little extra to acknowledge the encouragement.
    The finish line itself was under a viewing stand. Yellow and white awning, beneath it bunting in orange, blue, and white, the colors so vivid through the rain. Crossing the line, I thought I heard Nancy calling my name, the official clock glowing 4:11:31. Not counting water stations, I stopped running for the first time in over four hours.
    Hands on hips, I kept walking to postpone the cramping. Scanning the crowd, I looked for an old Redskins cap and taped glasses. Not there. Other runners slumped on the sidewalk or trundled with tiny steps, wrapped in foil-like Mylar blankets to ward off hypothermia.
    Under the archway of the bank, Nancy waved to me, holding a little camera high with her left hand, as though she were taking a photo over the heads of people in front of her. “I got you crossing the finish line!”
    In yellow foul-weather gear, the peak riding down almost to her nose, she’d never looked more beautiful to me.
    I stopped and posed in right profile. Nancy brought the camera to her eye, clicked a button, and put the camera in a coat pocket.
    I said, “I heard you yell to me.”
    “I couldn’t believe I could finally go inside.”
    “I want a hug.”
    “Not on your life. You’re the most disgusting creature I’ve ever seen.”
    “What happened to the stretcher bearers?”
    “Unionized. They went home at four.”
    I tried taking another step, cramped, and had to grab a signpost to keep from falling. My hand away from the hip, Nancy got a look at my left side.
    She hurried over and steadied me. “John, your shirt’s soaked with blood!”
    “That’s not the problem.”
    “Then what is?”
    “My legs hurt.”
    “Revelation. Your legs should hurt after you drive twenty-six miles.”
    “Maybe at your age.”
    That brought a smile. “You’re a dunce, John.”
    “If I can just rest my arm on you...”
    Nancy took my hand and drew my arm around her shoulder. “That’s Dunce, capital D, and I’m worse for loving you.”
    We moved off like that, medic and soldier, through the crowd still cheering for the people still coming in.

= 32 =

    Back at the condo I took a long, slow bath, my reopened side and a blackened toenail the only visible damage. Pride made me crawl over the side of the tub rather than call out to Nancy for help. After I toweled off, I taped a new dressing on my side and got into some clean clothes.
    Nancy and I celebrated with pizza delivered by Domino’s and ale chilled by refrigerator. The six o’clock news gave extended coverage to the race. It was an out-of-body experience, seeing the start better from a helicopter’s point of view than I had at the back of the pack, the winners crossing the finish line in half the time I took.
    By eight o’clock I was walking well enough for Nancy to head home and prepare for her trial. Just after she left I thought about trying to see Alec Bacall, which made me think about Maisy Andrus. Fired or not, I couldn’t seem to let go.
    I picked up the receiver and punched in thp number of the Andrus town house. The voice we all recognize said, “I’m sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time.