River’s End

was crying. She holds, she always holds. If she’s breaking like that it has to be bad. Really bad.”
    She wanted to pull over, for just a minute, to take him to her, hold on to him until he found some comfort. It was an urge she’d never felt with anyone other than family. So she tightened her hands on the wheel and punched the gas.
    “It’s my fault.” Noah dropped his hands on his lap, let them lie there limply.
    “That’s a ridiculous thing to say.” She kept her voice brisk, practical. Logic, she thought, was more productive than a comforting hug. “You weren’t even there.”
    “I didn’t take it seriously enough. I didn’t take her seriously enough. I sent him over there. Water the goddamn plants. Water the plants, Mike. And I knew she was half crazy.”
    “Who are you talking about?”
    “I was seeing this woman for a while. It wasn’t serious on my end, but I should have seen it. I just sort of drifted along with it—why the hell not? Good sex with a great body, a snappy-looking woman to hang out with. When it got complicated, I broke things off. Then it got nasty. There were some altercations, then the big one where she trashed my house while I was away.”
    “Trashed your house?”
    “Big time. I had to scoop up most of what was left with a shovel.”
    “That’s horrible. Really. Why didn’t you have her arrested?”
    “Couldn’t prove it. Everybody knew she’d done it, just her style, but there wasn’t much to be done about it. She tossed a few more threats in my face, made another scene. Then I go flying off, and tell Mike to water my flowers while I’m gone.”
    “If this very bizane woman is the one who hurt your friend, then it’s her fault. It’s her responsibility. It’s her guilt.”
    He said nothing to that. He was suffering, Olivia thought. She could feel the pain coming off him in shaky waves. And couldn’t stand it. “When . . . after my mother’s death I went through a period where I blamed myself. I’d run away and I’d hidden in the closet. I didn’t do anything to help her.”
    “Jesus, Liv, you were four.”
    “Doesn’t matter. That doesn’t matter, Noah. When you love someone and something terrible happens to them, it doesn’t matter how old you are. After that,” she continued, “I went through another stage when I blamed her. What the hell was she thinking? She let him in the house. She let the monster in,” she murmured and shuddered once. “She let him in, and he took her away from me. She left me. I blamed her for that.”
    She flinched when he lifted a hand to touch her cheek, then blew out a steadying breath. “Maybe you have to go through those stages before you can get to the truth of it. Sam Tanner was to blame. He was the only one to blame. Not me, not my mother.”
    “You’re right. I owe you for this.”
    “The lodge would have done the same for anyone.”
    “No. I owe you.” He laid his head back again, closed his eyes and rode the rest of the way in silence.
    Noah was running on nerves alone by the time he rushed off the elevator in ICU. During the flight he’d imagined Mike dead. Then jumped to giddy images of his friend popping up in bed and making a lame joke. When the cab had dropped him at the hospital, he was nearly ready to believe it had all been some weird dream. Then he saw his mother sitting on a bench in the silent hallway, her arm around Maggie Elmo. Guilt and fear balled messily in his throat.
    “Oh, Noah.” Celia got quickly to her feet to throw her arms around him. He felt her stomach quiver against his. “I’m so glad you’re here. There’s no change,” she added in a whisper.
    “I need to see him. Can I...” He shook his head, then forced himself to ease away and face Maggie. “Mrs. Elmo.”
    “Noah.” Tears began to trickle out of her already swollen eyes as she reached for him. He lowered to the bench, wrapped his arms tight around her. “He’ll want you here. He’ll want to see you when he wakes up. He’s going to wake up. Any minute now.”
    He hung on to her faith as desperately as he held on to her. “We’ve been taking turns going in.” Celia rubbed a hand over Noah’s back. “Frank and Jim are in there now. But Maggie has to lie down for a while.”
    “No, I—”
    “You said you’d lie down when Noah got here.” All but crooning the words. Celia drew Maggie to her feet. “They’ve got a bed for you, remember? You just need to stretch out for a few minutes. We want to