Savage Tales

"Help! Is anyone else here? George?"
    I went to see what was up.
    "Yeah?" I said.
    "Call 911, I need to perform CPR. Hurry!"
    "All right."
    An ambulance was there within minutes, and they rushed into Bill's room. I heard them wheel him away. When he had gone, the old woman came and thanked me for my help.
    "He had a bad reaction to his new medication," she said.
    "Will he…"
    "He'll be fine."
    "Oh," I said. "Thank God."
    "Yes," she said.

    Bill came home later that afternoon. I heard his lanky steps plying up the stairs. They stopped in front of my door and I heard silence and waited. And waited.
    A knock.
    "Come in," I said.
    The door opened and there he was. He looked haggard, but maybe a little better. Perhaps the sunlight had done him good.
    "Hello, Adam," he said.
    "Hi, Bill. How you doing?"
    "Much better, thanks. Had a scare there, but much better. Much better now."
    "Glad to hear it."
    "And I – I wanted to thank you. My nurse told me you helped when she needed it. So… thanks."
    "It was nothing. Just called an ambulance. Anyone would have done the same."
    "I prefer to think it was something more."
    "Well, you're welcome."
    He started to leave, but something on my desk caught his eye.
    "You play chess?" he said.
    I followed his gaze to the chess board. "Oh, that. Well, I'm not very good, but sometimes. You play?"
    "Oh, it's been many years, but yes. Used to be quite good."
    "We should play sometime."
    "Now?" he said.
    I was a little behind on a project but I could tell he wanted to play. And I needed a break.
    "Sure," I said.
    We set up the board in the living room and went at it. He commented on my opening and criticized a few of my moves. Then I snagged one of his rooks and he looked puzzled, thoughtful, angry even.
    He stopped criticizing or giving advice.
    We played hard from then on, giving no quarter. I didn't think I was that good, but I had been playing computer chess regularly and had gained some insight into strategy that I previously lacked.
    Finally, I drove my queen in close.
    "Checkmate," I said.
    He looked at the board in disgust. He looked at me bitterly. But then he softened, smiled, laughed lightly, and extended his hand to me. I shook it and it was stronger than his figure led me to believe.
    "Well," he said. "Thanks again. And thanks for showing an old dog some new tricks."
    He ambled down the hall and closed his bedroom door behind him. When I passed his room a few hours later I heard snoring.

    When his nurse came the next day, I heard his door open and close behind her. But it reopened almost immediately and she knocked on my door.
    "I'm sorry to bother you again. Bill is dead."
    "What?" I said.
    "Dead."
    Again with the ambulance routine. This time I watched them cart him out, his long figure covered with a drape and his feet hanging over the end of the gurney.
    When the other roommates trickled in that evening, I told the news.
    "Dead?" said Sharon. "Bill?"
    "Who's Bill?" said David.
    "Well, we've got to find a new roommate. I don't really have time for this."
    "I can post it and show it," I said. "I don't mind. I'm always home anyway."
    "That'd be great," said George. "You know, I just remembered something. Bill paid rent through the end of the month, but since he's breaking his lease we can keep his deposit. I vote we pay to have this place cleaned, and whatever's left we split among us four."
    "Shouldn't we give that to his family?" I said.
    "I don’t think he had family," said George.

    I went on Craigslist that night and created an ad. It read:
    Room available December 1. Large Victorian near the Panhandle. Your bedroom is 11' x 10' and has a good view of the garden. Other roommates are Sharon (an accountant), George (an IT guy), David (a law student), and Adam (a writer). Rent is $850/month. One year lease, $850 deposit. Previous tenant died, but he was a riot. Call Adam to see it: 415-731-9928.
    I felt that honesty was important. And despite the recent death in the room, I still got plenty of replies. Of course. The location was great.

CAT, DO G, MAN

    Once there was a man who owned a cat and a dog. One day, the man said to his pets: "I wish to see who is the better friend to me, who is most loyal."
    "Oh, surely it is I," said Dog. "I will follow you anywhere, master."
    "That may be so," said Cat, "but I am the better pet."
    "We shall see," said the man. And before either pet could stop the man, he jumped into the well at the center of his property.
    "Now we shall see who is