Savage Tales

that bell tinkle again. Another intruder.
    "Damn," I mumbled.
    Instead of going out to face them, I shut off all the lights and started singing in an eerie way. It would have scared anyone off. Sure enough, the bell tinkled again, departure, silence.
    All this time a growing sense of familiarity had been gnawing into me, and when I heard the door shut I knew what it was: I had been reading a short story earlier in the day, and everything had happened in a manner just like this. There was an overlap far beyond coincidence. There was a matched scent far beyond a lazy nose.
    I squeezed the pillow into my face, trying to remember if I'd brought it with me into this new lifestyle or if my brother had bequeathed it to me on his departure. I tried to remember where he had gone to fight, and why he had chosen that life over this bookstore.

THE TIME BEING

    A knock on the door.
    "Mom, I'm busy!"
    "Are you masturbating, Gerrold?"
    "Yes, now go away!"
    Silence.
    "Jesus Christ, A.G.," said Gerrold. "That mom of mine is such a pain."
    "Vrrrrrt, gleeek!" bleeped A.G. "That is for shizzle."
    "And to be bugging her pork face in my business right as I approach the hour of my final climax."
    "Vrrrt, no pun in-in-intended!"
    Gerrold Spleen, boy genius, mixed the final nano-slushy. It was delicate work.
    "There!" said Gerrold. "This bitch is in the can!"
    "And – vrrrrt! – remind again me what is the purpose of this concoction, young sir?"
    "Dammit, A.G., I told you, it's a time machine!"
    "Yes, but for the pur-pur-purpose of – vrrrt! – exposition please explanate again. It looks nothing like a time machine. Not the H.G. Wells variety or the DeLorean variety. How so, vrrrrt?"
    "A.G., I didn't make you smart enough. I swear you just don't get it."
    "I'm sorry."
    "It's all right. But rather than explain it again, I'll just show you."
    "With the cat again? What ever became of it?"
    "No, not the cat. Not this time. We don't know what happened to it, because we don't know what it was thinking. This stuff will take you wherever you want to go. Mr. Friskers probably went to some cat food factory or something."
    "So you must - vrrrrt! – test it on yourself?"
    "Yes."
    "Would it not be wiser to test it on one such as me? I am – vrrrrt! – expendable."
    "I thought of that, but no. It needs organic matter. It fuses with DMT and will bind to my nervous system."
    "Oh, darn. Well, I – vrrrrt! – tried."
    "Yes, yes, now shut up. This is a delicate moment."
    Silence as Gerrold poured a blue liquid into a yellow liquid. Instead of turning green it fizzled metallic silver and came up to the tip of the rim.
    "Okay, we're good," said Gerrold.
    "Gr-reat!"
    "Isn't it though?"
    Gerrold took off his glasses and dumped the liquid down his throat in a straight shot.
    "G'damn," said Gerrold.
    "You are – blip – okay?"
    "I… guess. Feel a little wobbly."
    "Where is your – vrrrt! – first destination?"
    "The future!" said Gerrold. "The far, far future!"
    "Is that – vrrrt! – safe?"

    Whether it was safe or not, A.G. was gone. His bedroom was gone. But here he was. Where was here? He had forgotten to put his glasses back on. Everything was blurry. But he saw figures approaching.
    "Hello," said a form.
    "Hi," said Gerrold. "Say – what is the date?"
    "August fifth."
    "Riiiight." He wanted to ask the year like they did in sci-fi movies but decided to wait until he could find a newspaper or the modern equivalent. He had certainly traveled at least a few months into the future. It had been March just a few minutes ago.
    "Say," said Gerrold. "I'm wondering if you can help me. I lost my glasses and can't see without them."
    "What do you mean?" said the future man. "Why would you need glasses to see? Are you thirsty?"
    Damn, thought Gerrold, I’m already exposing myself as an antiquated sham.
    "Listen," said Gerrold. "I have to tell you something. And I don't want you to laugh. It's the truth. You see, I'm a time traveler."
    "So?" said the blurry man.
    "So?"
    "Yes, so what? We're all time travelers."
    "Oh! How foolish of me! Of course people are time travelers in the future."
    "Say, you aren't Gerrold Kerblonoski, are you? You look like the photos I've seen of him, only younger and you don't have those things on your face."
    "Things? Oh, you mean my glasses."
    "Yes, that's it. So you're him?"
    "Yes."
    "Great, come along with me and we'll fix your eyes."
    They got into a car and took off. It was very smooth.
    "What year is it?" said