Savage Tales

finger so snugly that it might have been made for me.
    I put it in my pocket and locked the jewelry box.
    The phone rang and I nearly jumped out of my pants – this is an expression that might have come from the mouth of an old person, but I really think I might have jumped clean of my pants had they not be firmly belted around my waist. I answered the phone.
    "Hello."
    "Hi, Sissy, it's Joseph. We just wanted to let you know that there's carrot cake in the fridge. We meant to tell you that."
    "Okay. Thanks."
    "It's about a week old and we probably won't eat it, but you can have it. Definitely don't give any to Danny."
    "Who's Danny?" I said.
    "Our son."
    "Oh, right. Only kidding."
    I wasn't kidding.
    "He's all right?" said Joseph.
    "Last time I checked."
    "Great. We'll see you in a while."
    "That's a plan."
    I hung up and decided to check on the kid. I looked through several nooks and under beds and then I got a call on my cell. It was Doris.
    "Where are you?" she said.
    "I'm in a house."
    "I thought we were gonna knit. You were gonna teach me."
    "The plans fell through."
    "You could have called."
    "That's life."
    I hung up and continued searching for the kid. He appeared at some point.
    "Hello, Danny," I said, raising him in my arms and taking a sniff at his diaper which was fortunately in top form. "I suppose I should feed you at some point in this evening's celebrations. What do you say?"
    He squirmed in my arms so I set him down on the coffee table. And then I watched – I watched – as the evening's real horror show unfolded before my eyes and I was paralyzed, unable to react. I only watched.
    Danny picked up the key to the jewelry box. I had set it on the coffee table at some point. Danny looked at it, and then put it in his mouth. And swallowed.
    "No!" I said, too little, too late. Danny only spread his eyes and giggled at me.
    I lifted him upside down and gently shook him. Nothing came out. Danny started to cry, so I set him back down.
    "You foolish, foolish child," I said.
    I analyzed my options. The parents would be home soon. I could say nothing, let it pass. They had no way of knowing that I had let the kid eat the key. The drawer that had contained it was beyond his reach, but it could go down as just one of those little mysteries. And a kid passing the key wouldn't hurt him. Not much, I hoped. It wasn't a sharp key. Some keys have really pointy teeth, but this one looked more like a skeleton key from an old cartoon. And if Danny started screaming they could take him to the doctor and get some tests. Science would help him.
    Perhaps call an ambulance. No, no. That would be admitting guilt.
    Tell the parents? But no. All this would immediately draw attention to the key and when they finally got it back they would examine the box and they might notice the ring was gone. Why had I taken it? And why had he eaten the key?
    I considered my scant medical knowledge. I didn't believe the Heimlich maneuver would work. The throat wasn't obstructed.
    Perhaps vomiting. But how do you make a baby vomit and does that sort of thing hurt a baby? It seems like it might. I certainly don't like to vomit, and babies are so sensitive.
    I realized I didn't know much about babies. I realized I probably shouldn't have been a babysitter. I realized that life is sometimes unfair, and that there is a great deal of irony involved. I realized that I could somehow blame this on my mother. But not me!
    I heard a key in the front door, and then it opened.
    "We're back," said Joseph.
    "I see," I said. "How was the aquarium?"
    "There were a lot of fish," said Blair.
    "I've heard that," I said. "Well, I best get going."
    "Hey, hold on," said Joseph. "We haven't paid you."
    "It's okay, you can pay me next time."
    "Nonsense, I've got the money right here."
    I stopped and let him remove the bills from his wallet. I didn't look at Danny as Blair picked him up.
    "Joseph, something's wrong with Danny," said Blair.
    "What?" said Joseph.
    "I don't know. He's squirming. Sissy, has he been okay?"
    "Yeah. Yes. Definitely okay. Not a key out of him all evening."
    "What?" said Blair.
    "Not a sound," I said. "Not a peep."
    I made some excuse about missing my favorite show and got out of there as fast as I could. I walked home and could hardly see straight.
    My mother was reading the newspaper at the house.
    "That wasn't so bad, was it?" she said. "And now you've got some spending money. You can buy something to make you look nice."
    "You're saying I