Science of Discworld III

for a copy of a book called The Origin of Species .
    Two hours later he went back, woke the Librarian again, and asked for Theology of Species . As he left with it, he heard the door being locked behind him.
    Later still, he fell asleep with his face in a cold pizza and both books open on his desk, dripping with bookmarks and stray pieces of anchovy.
    Beside him, Hex’s writing table whirred. Twenty quill pens flashedback and forth and gyrated on spring-loaded arms, making the table look like several giant spiders on their backs. And, every minute, a page dropped onto the pile that was forming on the floor …
    Ponder dreamed fitfully of dinosaurs trying to fly. They always splashed when they reached the bottom of the cliff.
    He woke up at half past eight, read the accumulated papers, and voided a small scream.
    All right, all right, he thought. There is no actual hurry , as such. We can change it back any time we like. That’s what time travel means .
    But although the brain can think that, the panic gland never believes it. He snatched up the books and as many notes as he could carry and hurried out.
    We have heard the chimes of midnight, the saying goes. The wizards had not only heard them but also the ones at one, two and three a.m. They certainly weren’t interested in hearing anything at half past eight, however. The only occupant of the tables in the Great Hall was Archchancellor Ridcully, who liked an unhealthy breakfast after his early morning run. He was alone at the trestle tables in the big hall.
    ‘I’ve found it!’ Ponder announced, with a certain nervous triumph, and dropped the two books in front of the astonished wizard.
    ‘Found what?’ said Ridcully. ‘And mind where you’re putting stuff, man! You nearly had the bacon dish over!’
    ‘I have put my finger,’ Ponder declared, ‘on the precise split in the Trousers of Time!’
    ‘Good man!’ said Ridcully, reaching for the flagon of brown sauce. ‘Tell me about it after breakfast, will you?’
    ‘It’s a book, sir! Two books in fact! He wrote the wrong one! Look!’
    Ridcully sighed. Against the enthusiasm of wizards there was no defence. He narrowed his eyes and read the title of the book Ponder Stibbons was holding:
    ‘ Theology of Species . And?’
    ‘Archchancellor, it was written by a Charles Darwin, and caused rather a row when it was published, since it purported to explain the mechanism of evolution in a manner which upset some widely held beliefs. Vested interests railed against it, but it prevailed and had a significant effect on history. Er … the wrong one.’
    ‘Why? What is it about?’ said Ridcully, carefully taking the top off a boiled egg.
    ‘I’ve only glanced at it, Archchancellor, but it appears to describe the process of evolution as one of permanent involvement by an omnipotent deity.’
    ‘And?’ Ridcully selected a piece of toast and began to cut it into soldiers.
    ‘That’s not how it works on Roundworld, sir,’ said Ponder, patiently.
    ‘That’s how it does here, more or less. There’s a god who sees to it.’
    ‘Yes, sir. But, as I am sure you will remember,’ said Ponder, using the words in the sense of ‘as I know you have forgotten’, ‘we have not found any traces of Deitium on Roundworld.’
    ‘Well, all right,’ the Archchancellor conceded. ‘But I don’t see why the man shouldn’t have written it, even so. Good solid book, by the look of it. Took some thinkin’ about, I’ll be bound.’
    ‘Yes, sir,’ said Ponder. ‘But the book he should have written …’ he thumped another volume onto the breakfast table, ‘… was this.’
    Ridcully picked it up. It had a much more colourful cover than ‘Theology’, and the title:
    Darwin Revisited
    THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES
    by The Rev. Richard Dawkins
    ‘Sir, I think I can prove that because Darwin wrote the wrong book the world took a different leg of the Trousers of Time, and humanitydidn’t leave the planet before the big freeze,’ said Ponder, standing back.
    ‘Why did he do that, then?’ said Ridcully, mystified.
    ‘I don’t know, sir. All I know is that, until a few days ago, this Charles Darwin wrote a book that said that evolution all worked naturally, without a god. Now it turns out that he didn’t. Instead, he wrote a book that said it worked because a god was involved at every stage.’
    ‘And this other fella, Dawkins?’
    ‘He said Darwin had pretty much got it right except the god part. You didn’t need