Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

party every July Fourth. It’s always a good time.”
    For some reason, this bubbly girl liked me. Me, with no personality. And I didn’t want to let her down again. “Okay, well, sure. Um, I’ll let you know. I have to check on my work schedule and everything.” I thought about Jax and wondered if he would want to spend July Fourth with me.
    Amanda nodded and reached into her bright-pink polka-dot bag and pulled out a cell phone. “What’s your number?”
    I thought about it a minute. I wasn’t sure what to tell her. Jessica owned a cell phone, but the bill wasn’t always paid on it. I figured I could give her the cell number and hope Jessica would tell me when Amanda called, if it worked this week.
    “555-0100”
    She punched it into her slim pink cell phone, and slipped the phone back into her bag. “Cool. I’ll call you later this week and see if you can make it.”
    I nodded, and we said our good-byes. She turned and bounced away. She seemed so happy and friendly. Everything I wished I could be. However, I didn’t necessarily want to bounce when I walked. I went back to my bike and headed home. I would be home in time to make dinner for Jessica.
    The moment I walked in the door, Jessica called from her room, “Sadie? Is that you?”
    “Yes,” I replied as I walked back to see her so we wouldn’t have to yell at each other. I stopped when I got to her bedroom door and found her standing in her panties and bra in front of the window unit with a large cup of ice in her hand.
    “The heat is killing me, Sadie! I swear, I can’t wait until I’ve got my body back.”
    I sighed and bit my tongue to keep from reminding her this was her fault. “I bet,” was all I allowed myself to say.
    “So, you’re home early today. You didn’t get fired, did you?” she asked, all serious as the idea of me without a job began to take root in her thoughts.
    I shook my head and leaned against the door frame. “No, the family is out tonight, so I got to come home early.”
    She still didn’t know about Jax. I didn’t want her to find out and get it in her head I could somehow get money out of Jax. Mooching off men was her gig, not mine. I didn’t want any man to take care of me. I wanted to be self-sufficient. I would never want my teenage daughter to have to pay the bills and cook the meals.
    “Hmmm, well, that works out good for me and the baby. We’re starving, and the thought of working in a hot kitchen is just too much.”
    I nodded and turned. The kitchen contained all I needed to make tacos, and Jessica loved tacos. I got the meat out of the freezer and put it in some warm water to thaw.
    “I’ve got to go to the clinic tomorrow to have a checkup. Are you working?”
    I wanted to laugh at her question. I’d worked every day since school had been out, except, of course, for Sundays. Not that I was complaining, because if I didn’t work, I didn’t make money . . . and I didn’t see Jax.
    “Yes,” I called back.
    “Oh, poo! I hate driving.”
    I didn’t respond. Instead, I searched through the cabinet for the taco seasoning.
    “You know, I’ll be thirty-one weeks this Monday, and in two months’ time, I’ll have this baby. I haven’t even picked out a name yet.”
    A nervous knot grew in my stomach at the thought of her bringing home a real baby. The baby hadn’t seemed real as long as it remained unnamed, and the thought of naming it made me very nervous.
    “I was thinking I liked the name Sasha if it’s a girl. You know, stick with the
S
names. Sadie, Sasha.”
    I said nothing.
    “Or if it is a boy, how about Sam?”
    I tried to ignore her. I really did not want to give this baby a name. It made my insides do funny things. The thought of formula, baby food, diapers—and, well, a baby—scared me. I could see Jessica coming home and saying she couldn’t take it and handing the baby to me. I had no idea what to do with a baby. I really needed her to be the mom. I needed her to be a grown-up with this baby. Because I wasn’t ready.
    “Okay . . . so you don’t like that name?” she called out again.
    “No, I like it. I just don’t really have a preference.”
    She remained quiet for a moment, and I wondered if she picked up on my fear. And then she said, “Well, I think it’s going to be a girl, so I’m going to name her Sasha Jewel White.”
    I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and forced out a reply. “Sure, Mom. Sounds good.”
    Jessica ate in front of the