Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

happiness was like walking around dead. There was no future I could see that gave me reason to daydream. I hadn’t left my room for days—I’m not sure how many, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up. Jessica stood outside my door every day and talked to me. She left food that I didn’t eat, and she threatened to have me hospitalized. But when someone doesn’t care if they take their next breath, threats mean nothing.
    Jessica had begun leaving the house for hours at a time. The sound of her car starting up let me know she had left. After sunset her car returned. She always asked me if I was okay and encouraged me to eat. But I couldn’t eat. My appetite had gone. I knew without my working we would run out of money, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Something inside me wanted to stay in this room and not move. If I moved, it hurt, and I couldn’t deal with the pain again.
    Somewhere in my darkness a phone rang. The ring of a familiar song that sent arrows through my heart. I knew it was for me, but I couldn’t answer it. His voice on the line would open the blackness I had wrapped around me. I needed the blackness—it kept out the pain that wanted in. So I let it ring. The song eventually stopped, and I knew I’d never hear that ring again. I had the darkness to hold on to. That kept the pain out. It was so much easier this way.
    A knock on my window startled me, and I jumped. The window opened, and I sat motionless, unable to stop the intruder. The fight in me was gone. I watched as my intruder stepped into the darkness. The familiar face of a friend broke through the dark blanket, and my tears began to fall.
    Marcus sat down beside me against the wall and pulled me into his arms. I went like a child and curled up in his lap and cried. He didn’t speak. He just held me, and his silence and acceptance soothed the pain. When my crying eventually mellowed, I stared up at him and touched his face. He was real, and he was here. Even after I had been the reason he’d lost his job, he had come to me in the darkness.
    “Sadie,” he whispered, as if his words might be too much for me. “I need you to eat for me.” He shifted me so I sat beside him.
    I frowned at him, confused. Why was he talking about food?
    “Sadie, listen to me. You have been in here for three days without food or drink. You have to eat, sweetheart, or I’m going to have to take you to the hospital.”
    There they went again, threatening me. I shook my head. I didn’t want food. Marcus held my face in his hands as if I were fragile and might break at any moment.
    “Sadie, do you want to get better?”
    Even in the darkness, I knew I didn’t want to get worse. I did want to get better. I wanted to have a reason to smile.
    “I know you do. Now, I have some water and bread, and I’m going to sit right here with you, and I want you to eat for me, okay?” He held the glass of water up to my mouth, and I obediently drank. It wasn’t going to make me better. I knew water wasn’t the answer to the pain, but I drank it anyway. I wanted to take the scared look out of his eyes.
    “Good girl,” he said softly, and he broke a piece of bread and held it up to my mouth. “Now take a bite for me.”
    I did, and he broke into a grin. Seeing him smile reminded me that I might never smile again.
    “That’s good. Now take another drink.”
    I did, and he seemed thrilled. So I ate more as he offered it and drank from the cup in his hands. When I had finished what he’d brought, he grinned like he had won some kind of medal.
    “You did wonderful. Now, why don’t we get you cleaned up, and we can go down to the beach and watch the waves?”
    I realized I wanted to get out of this room with the darkness. Maybe I could find another way to deal with the pain. The ocean was always soothing. I liked the ocean. I nodded, and he stood and pulled me up. My legs wobbled, and I held on to his arms for support.
    “That’s my girl. Now, hold on to me.”
    I walked with him into the hall, and Jessica was standing there with relief in her eyes.
    “Did she eat?” she asked Marcus, and he nodded. “Oh, baby, that’s wonderful. Now let’s get you all washed up.”
    She took my hand, and I stiffened. Some sort of pain tried to break through.
    “Uh, maybe I had better get her in there first, and we will see how it goes from there.”
    Jessica nodded and stepped back. Marcus walked me into the bathroom and stood me in front of the mirror. The pale