Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

girl with dark circles under her eyes who stared back at me scared me. I shivered.
    “Now you see why you need to go out with me. You need fresh air, and the sea breeze is the best thing for you. But first you have got to let me wait outside the door and let your mom in here to help you. You’re weak from no food, and you’re dehydrated.”
    I wanted to be me again. I didn’t like the stranger in the mirror. I nodded, and then he let me go, and Jessica came into the tiny little room. I let her help me shower and fix my hair. Once we finished, the face in the mirror appeared less scary, but it still wasn’t me.
    The fresh salt air smelled wonderful. I stood on the sand and inhaled as the waves crashed in front of me. Water splashed my ankles and calves, but I stood and gazed out at the water.
    “I would have come sooner if I’d known,” Marcus said from behind me.
    I didn’t want to talk about it. “It wasn’t your problem.”
    His hands gently touched my arms. “I know all you need is a friend right now, and I want to be that for you.”
    I wanted a friend too. “I’d like that.”
    He softly squeezed my arms. “I’m not going to make you talk about anything you’re not ready to.”
    “Thank you.” I didn’t want to need the darkness.
    “Ms. Mary called me yesterday. She’s worried about you, and she misses you. She said to tell you that you’re always welcome at her house.” It eased the pain to know I hadn’t lost everything. “And Mr. Greg wants me to bring you over for chess as soon as you are up for it.” I wanted to smile, but I couldn’t. “The gossip is starting to die down now. But I’m afraid you will be the most sought-after girl at Sea Breeze High.” I stiffened. I wanted to go back to being unknown and overlooked. “Hey, don’t go getting all tense. It’s not a bad thing.”
    I shook my head. “I don’t want to think about school.”
    He sighed. “Sadie, you’re going to have to pick up and move on. Not talking about any of it is going to keep you from having a life.”
    I knew he was right, but the pain that the thoughts evoked was so intense I didn’t think I could do it. “The pain . . . I can’t breathe when I start to remember.”
    He didn’t say anything right away. We stood watching the waves together. I could breathe without the pain for the first time since Jax had gone.
    “I hope one day I can evoke in someone as amazing as you that kind of love and need.”
    I turned my gaze to him. “It’s the most amazing thing in the world when you’re together, but when it’s over, it hurts. It hurts more than you could ever imagine.” I heard the words come out, and I was surprised at myself for speaking my thoughts aloud.
    “Would you do it differently if you could, now that you know how it ends?”
    I allowed myself to think of Jax’s smile and his arms around me, and I knew I wouldn’t change anything. Our last dance that I had memorized every second of came back to me, and with it came the pain. My knees buckled, and Marcus’s arms came around me and held me up. I fought the pain with the happiness I had known, and that seemed to ease it. No, if I could go back and do it again, all I would do is just try to be stronger or . . . just more. I would try to be someone who could hold on to him. Someone who could deserve him.
    “No,” I whispered, and I knew I wouldn’t miss a moment. Saying it out loud and knowing I would never forget it, or give up the memories, eased the pain a little more.
    “He loves you too,” Marcus admitted into the darkness.
    I wondered if he was saying those words in hopes of making me feel better, or if he truly meant them. “He didn’t love me enough,” I said into the night breeze, and turned my attention back to the water. It helped soothe me.
    “What is enough?” Marcus asked.
    I sighed and closed my eyes. “Willing to get through the hard stuff together.” The words made sense, but I hated that it sounded as if I were betraying Jax with them.
    “I don’t know why I’m defending him, but I believe he left to protect you. For the first time since he’d met you, he put you first.”
    I let out a hard, cold laugh that didn’t sound like me. “How can taking away the reason my heart beats be good for me?”
    Marcus took my arm. “Jax knew when he met you he wouldn’t be able to keep you. He knew you wouldn’t fit into his world. I blame myself for pursuing you in front of him, because that is what broke his